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  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    My girlfriends ex-husband asked how it felt to put my dick where he used to? I told him it ain't so bad once I get passed the part he used

    • 930
    • FAVS
    JerriJerri123jewfacekillaWittySassBaskettexasweethangroggyietri_perazzo______melrose4433larrygoodlander
    • 405
    • RETWEETS
    Corey814WittySassBasketPrking13zpakbrownwhitetrashpimpTxSweetNSassiGeauxSaints79Ewkakke
    ExcuseMeMandifullblowndaveKindOfASmartass__ShotOfBull
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    I'm about to try to follow somebody with a locked account. They got over 1,000 followers & 1 tweet. I gotta see this fucking tweet

    • 717
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaCorey814BubblezKingMzBrendaLgrantmeawishhdshack8roggyietri_perazzo______
    • 334
    • RETWEETS
    Njegz69dshack8punkdude21davila_jahairalarrygoodlanderjpluskayJason89Terror_85
    eliserose5Reality_Bytes1One_FineMessbillymeetsworldPrincessAlexx_____
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    I get real drunk before I renew my drivers license photo just incase I'm fucked up when the cops pull me over

    • 663
    • FAVS
    roggyieGeauxSaints79AsssssHatMommy_NeedsWinework925play247dreamthievinsummertimegyrlVikeeysSecret
    • 291
    • RETWEETS
    punkdude21roggyieAsssssHatdreamthievinsummertimegyrlBamaBelle16______KmarieK74________heiseymbtkqm4__
    roggyieTheTennisPhenomBarebakAssassinRadOrDieLisa_Laughs_
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    If she's still got both earrings in when you done, take em out & put em in your ears then go make her a sandwich cause you fuck like a bitch

    • 591
    • FAVS
    JerriJerri123jewfacekillaCorey814rrrmnctexasweethangroggyieSixandpureTheDunkle
    • 348
    • RETWEETS
    Corey814rrrmncally_johnsonnMuscleVaporDincusMincusdreamthievinsmith_knJ_E_Ruiz
    goodballsNoLuckNeededjenjenpink30______GetCougarizedLisa_Laughs_kmbaldau
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    ME: I need a new phone, this one got wet

    VERIZON: How'd you get it wet

    ME: I talked dirty to it

    HIM: ......

    ME: Water asshole. How else?

    • 550
    • FAVS
    JerriJerri123WittySassBasketroggyiedreamthievinjackie11368denicemariiieReAnim8ed_ElizaDayJ
    • 332
    • RETWEETS
    WittySassBasketsarcasm_incthongbearditsaRawDawgXOSchitzoReverse_ApNinjaFuneraljenbadham
    KindOfASmartass__PRESTONinCOLOR
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    Twitter's like having a hot neighbor who sunbathes nude. You wanna show your friends but know they'd come along & somehow fuck everything up

    • 522
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaWittySassBasketroggyiedreamthievinsummertimegyrlJazzzzzminaGiddythefuckuptrialfemme
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    JerriJerri123punkdude21smith_knGiddythefuckupTheBarTender4KmarieK74________CaraBellaLacqrCyndersLikeFire
    PrettiestPickle
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    Pro Tip: If you can't do it with eye contact from across the room, there's not a pick up line in your arsenal that's gonna work on her

    • 430
    • FAVS
    Akia_JenaecottonscrapsKrisJ1321UntouchableSheAllieAFazio_ND2_Barney_McGjewfacekilla
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    UntouchableShemystic_escapejewfacekillaWittySassBasketGiddythefuckupSmartiepPSassAshleyVonBrutal________
    thatfinguy________rachiecandicemumblesmusings
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    I don't know who's dumber

    My Gf, because she's mad at me for something I did in her dream last night

    Or me, because I apologized for it

    • 387
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaAlyRoo_eezcrazybluefanmycharliecatemilymaejCorey814roggyie__Bazti__
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    AlyRoo_eezcrazybluefanCorey814nixsters74KmarieK74________AnchorsAviatorspistolwistolBudders88
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    COP: I've been following you for 10 minutes you asshole


    ME: I'm in a slump right now but my tweets will get better you son of a bitch

    • 410
    • FAVS
    lajosthehunroggyieVikeeysSecretSuperApple8GiddythefuckuptrialfemmemoxiebloggerBamaBelle16______
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    lajosthehunpunkdude21BamaBelle16______walkblockerkulak_HAF______Sexy__Sarcasm____AnchorsAviatorsReedySplash
    kirbys4losers____
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    Siri why do girls say nothing's wrong when its obvious something is

    Siri?

    Siri?!

    What

    What's wrong

    Nothing

    Something's wrong

    I'M FINE

    • 344
    • FAVS
    roggyieBewbiesMcGeeThezaMariegoogleiswatchinSeanMoran79kelkulusVikeeysSecretGiddythefuckup
    • 193
    • RETWEETS
    pretty_gravesgoogleiswatchinh_tejascbthedukeVikeeysSecretmatthewdmartinZae_StyleAshUpadh
    TheAdlyPrincessAlexx_____
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    All my friends tell me how much they miss me on FB, except the few that found me on Twitter, they don't say a fucking word to me anymore

    • 364
    • FAVS
    cottonscrapsStv401ShitKariSaysD2_Barney_McGFazio_NjewfacekillaroggyieVikeeysSecret
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    Akia_JenaecottonscrapsCapirotin_Rasbanda_ManolosoumyaBha_tMonsieurJenghizShitKariSaysrads
    johngaysee
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    When I go to weddings I always make friends with the 1 dude who shows up in jeans because I guarantee that son of a bitch knows how to party

    • 355
    • FAVS
    JerriJerri123freespirit72garoggyieVikeeysSecretCharlieBoii559trialfemmeyvetterheMichelleVitagrl
    • 134
    • RETWEETS
    roggyiemoxiebloggerliftyourlifeAnchorsAviatorsagent_0rang3MarkLyfordJust_Lee_1imagine_vegas
    TraylorParker
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind

    • 319
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaroggyieVikeeysSecrettrialfemmebottoni_kellyefasheefaa________CharMacGowanBamaBelle16______
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    BamaBelle16______tiffanycoen1______PrincessChampLowAlleyDaze0hJulietteAnchorsAviatorsCorey814Yonkz16
    Fallun_AngelPrincessAlexx_____
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    The only thing we have to fear is fear itself

    AND

    When a women asks if you notice anything different

    • 258
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaSeanINCypressVikeeysSecretMileHighJoe1Giddythefuckuptrialfemmepickynee14KyleCzapiga
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    punkdude21cwynne33KyleCzapigaFavstar250JoanLivingbigDvL305Welsh_LassKatiejr173469
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    Nobody's out of your league if you know what the fuck you're doing

    • 267
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaGiddythefuckuptrialfemmeRandomBestiamravenclawBigMamaJowersefasheefaa________Melodic98
    • 140
    • RETWEETS
    Melodic98BamaBelle16______AnchorsAviatorsCorey814ladyfiredancerHaute_MILFFlor_De_OlivaohnoCole
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    If I ever find a girl whose pussy taste like Reese's peanut butter cups the only time I'm coming up for air is to get a sip of milk

    • 306
    • FAVS
    YourAverageTRex__GiddythefuckuptrialfemmeJBAILEY800VonBrutal________DeuceMixAnchorsAviatorsCorey814
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    AnchorsAviatorsimagine_vegasSirMichaelWellsvivalamoi448katniiipRatBatallionAglaea_robocreep
    Loli_Sug
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    I didn't use protection with my Gf because she told me she had an IUD

    Now I got a baby from a drunk dyslexic

    • 270
    • FAVS
    tlmjamesalawson78avr0lCorey814itswrigley________MileHighJoe1Giddythefuckuptrialfemme
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    tlmjamesalawson78ezeike072Corey814itswrigley________MileHighJoe1chelledempseyFavstar250
    ShotOfBullPortRooster
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    If you spit when you're talking I kick when I'm listening

    • 285
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaCorey814GiddythefuckuptrialfemmeBamaBelle16______JBAILEY800robcardone__VonBrutal________
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    Corey814_chasing_amy______MelloPsychoMyLoveGoesDown____RedSlobsterHello_BellaNicholey23CajunKuzin________
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    Don't worry newbies I had to google half the shit they talk about on here too

    • 283
    • FAVS
    GiddythefuckuptrialfemmeJBAILEY800AnchorsAviatorsSideBurnymrt1mmennaaxocallmeellieeee
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    AnchorsAviators_chasing_amy______paaige_patesInTheLigersDengoodballsimagine_vegasBriMacBethMarlenRawr
  • Pierre__4
      Pierre @Pierre__4

    My girlfriend never fakes orgasms because apparently, it's easier to fake headaches

    • 242
    • FAVS
    jewfacekillaGiddythefuckuptrialfemmeBamaBelle16______JBAILEY800DeuceMixAnchorsAviatorsSideBurny
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    AnchorsAviatorsohnoColePortRoosterChaos1011CankleKickerREFBOB_72_Prozach74________Devazi
    bjaynash
@Pierre__4

@Pierre__4

I'm a New Orleans Fire Fighter not an English Teacher. If my spelling, grammar or puncuation piss you off, you should hear me talk.