#100factsaboutme #37 I don't call a doctor when I get a 4 hour erection...I call your mom. #pimphandstrong

I'd love to know how many N-bombs Romney has dropped in the last 20 minutes.

#EndOfTheWorldConfessions I DID have sexual relations with that woman.

Today's date is 6/9. That is all.

Is Chris Bosh's injury going to keep him out of Avatar 2?

If George Zimmerman is afraid of a black dude in a hoodie, wait until he sees a naked one in a prison shower.

#GhettoHurricaneNames @kimkardashian because it has no problem blowing the entire East Coast just to get on TV.

I'm looking for a LeBron James sort of relationship. No ring and I can disappear when you really need me.

Sonofabitch. My GPS can't find Rack City. :(

I like the way you hold that microphone, guuuurl: pic.twitter.com/rfU91Vta

By the way, congrats to Whitney on one week of sobriety. Keep it up, girl!

Neil Armstrong leaves the same day Snooki goes into labor. One giant leap backwards for mankind, my friends.

I'm proud of you, Lance Armstrong. It took a lot of ball to admit that.

Nothing says "I don't give a shit" like a Hawaiian shirt.

I bet Tim Tebow air guitars his ass off to Creed songs.

I hope gay ghosts are doing super gay stuff to homophobes while they're asleep.

If you work at Penn St or Syracuse, you might want to skip the annual "bring your kid to work" day.

Cool: Your girlfriend is precious. Uncool: Your girlfriend is Precious.

Hey school shooters, start with yourselves.

Clinton/Clinton 2016