Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Guys don't wear ties enough. So much potential in that one little accessory...
Using a vibrator is basically just hooking your sex life up to a life-support machine until a viable organ becomes available.
I've learned today that apparently we all cry while at Target.
I do enjoy my freedom... But sometimes you just don't want to sleep alone.
I have faith that my impulses have my best interests at heart.
Currently sprawled out on my bed like the dead hooker in a hotel from the opening scene of any CSI show. But it's comfortable so whatevs.
If you're not gonna use Twitter to harass strangers in a sexual manor then what the fuck are you doing here?!
Stopped at the store and bought all the batteries. Sorry kids, but adults have toys too.
I've reached 200 followers, so now that I'm famous I'll have to distance myself from all of you. Thanks for understanding! ;-)
The call center at work smells like rubber cement and murdered dreams.
Him: She's got a bad grip on reality. Me: Someone sprayed KY all over her grip... (I'm so appropriate at the office)
I've had multiple orgasms today. What the fuck have YOU done to honor god?!?!?!?
Sometimes I tweet things knowing it's not gonna make sense to anyone but me. And that's the beauty of MY twitter account.
Before twitter I worried I might be insane. Now, as I bounce around this padded room, I know for sure I'm insane but so are the rest of you!
When he works better than pot to cheer you up after a bad day, he's a fucking keeper!!
I make smartass remarks when I'm uncomfortable. I am always uncomfortable.