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Husband just said I am an attention whore. I'm just glad he noticed.
A good man is able to make you feel strong, sexy and able to take on the world. Oh, sorry.... That's wine.... Wine does that....
I want to hibernate until its warm and I'm skinny.
I was retweeted!!! First time ever! I'm a complete nerd, but I'm a smiling nerd!
Who the hell would need a resealable beer?!? If you can't drink the whole can, stick to lemonade.
My old tweets keep getting retweeted today. Is this what it feels like to be loved??
Stop begging for followers. Just be yourself and they will come. Unless you totally suck.
I had no idea how boring Facebook was until I came to Twitter.
A good host is drunk before the guests arrive. Pretty sure I read that somewhere.
Now that I have finally been retweeted, I'm ready for my first subtweet. Someone talk bad about me!!!
I picture those of you that star my tweets saying... "Bless her little heart. She tries".
It's so exhausting trying to hide from the darkness inside.
Is it red or white wine that goes with Percocet???
When men are quiet, they are thinking nothing. When women are quiet, they are plotting.
I got tired of waiting for my first subtweet, so now I will just assume they are all about me.
My phone rang and it scared me. I didn't know what to do. I don't actually TALK to people!
Every time I try to express my feelings, it comes out as "Fuck You".
Phone at less than 10%. When are bars going to get charging stations??
Scared to put my inner thoughts on twitter. Some of you are messed up, but I am truly twisted!
Just filled my first prescription for Xanax. What have you people done to me???!!