Husband just said I am an attention whore. I'm just glad he noticed.

A good man is able to make you feel strong, sexy and able to take on the world. Oh, sorry.... That's wine.... Wine does that....

I was retweeted!!! First time ever! I'm a complete nerd, but I'm a smiling nerd!

I want to hibernate until its warm and I'm skinny.

Who the hell would need a resealable beer?!? If you can't drink the whole can, stick to lemonade.

My old tweets keep getting retweeted today. Is this what it feels like to be loved??

Stop begging for followers. Just be yourself and they will come. Unless you totally suck.

I had no idea how boring Facebook was until I came to Twitter.

Now that I have finally been retweeted, I'm ready for my first subtweet. Someone talk bad about me!!!

I picture those of you that star my tweets saying... "Bless her little heart. She tries".

It's so exhausting trying to hide from the darkness inside.

Is it red or white wine that goes with Percocet???

A good host is drunk before the guests arrive. Pretty sure I read that somewhere.

I got tired of waiting for my first subtweet, so now I will just assume they are all about me.

When men are quiet, they are thinking nothing. When women are quiet, they are plotting.

My phone rang and it scared me. I didn't know what to do. I don't actually TALK to people!

Phone at less than 10%. When are bars going to get charging stations??

Scared to put my inner thoughts on twitter. Some of you are messed up, but I am truly twisted!

Just filled my first prescription for Xanax. What have you people done to me???!!

Seems like all of my facebook friends are running marathons now. I would rather look at pics of their dinners again.