I would call you a cunt but you don't have the depth or the warmth.

Anal beads were invented by the ancient Ass Techs.

Now, I'm no Gynaecologist, but I know a Cunt when I see one.

Guy "Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, It's too long."

Me "Wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Nevermind, You'll never get it."

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.

so i just got raped by a mime artist, he performed unspeakable acts on me.

thats the last time i throw a bukkake party, nobody came.

I told my boyfriend I want a boobjob and he's paying... I guess we're both going bust!

Tampons only have strings attached so you guys can floss after eating.

I slept with Satan lastnight, we had six 3 times.

Tampax have announced today that they will be replacing the string on tampons with a piece of tinsel.This will be just for the Xmas period

In an average day your hands will indirectly come into contact with 15 penises via door handles etc

That's before I even leave for work...

Some guy just called me a "C**T."

I said to him "Impressive not many people can pronounce asterisks."

It's hard being raped.

Otherwise it wouldn't work properly.

I was gang raped the other day by nine guys and i thought to myself 'i wonder which one of these isn't enjoying this?'

What is the point of having a parrot? Unless you teach it to say 'HELP THEY'VE TURNED ME INTO A PARROT!!' ??

People who smoke crack must be pro at felching.

There is nothing scarier than a ginger who dyes their hair black!

RIP Osama Bin Laden, the hide and sikh champion 2001 - 2011.

If i wanted to go on a date with a guy who stared at my tits the whole night i would have asked my dad out for a few drinks.