@PizzoC's (Sean) most faved Tweets...
I have one glass of wine and suddenly I turn into Twitter Oprah.
YOU get a star!
And YOU get a star!
You ALL get stars!!!!
YOU get a star!
And YOU get a star!
You ALL get stars!!!!
I'm a tad drunk on dry Riesling—you're gonna have to dumb down your "Internet Humor" to my level if you want your star.
My mom what now?
My mom what now?
In the past, some people have accused me of lying for effect.
THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOW DEAD.
I think the moral of this story is obvious.
THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOW DEAD.
I think the moral of this story is obvious.
Dear cute well-dressed guy w/ pretty eyes: I'll pretend I didn't just hear you talking about *girls*, & that our love is still true.
*sob*
*sob*
If you ever raise your voice to me again, you execrable little brat, I'll—I'll give you ANOTHER stern talking-to!
How do you like THAT?
How do you like THAT?
Time to walk home! = Time to run an endless gantlet of drivers who think getting to wherever they're going is more important than my life!
My problem is I think too much.
And I'm insecure, neurotic and depressive.
But I have good hair! And I'm not Mormon. Anymore.
...FELLAS.
And I'm insecure, neurotic and depressive.
But I have good hair! And I'm not Mormon. Anymore.
...FELLAS.
Dude, I thought you were maybe kinda cute until you took a call on your Bluetooth Douche Detector. And until I got a good look a your face.
Is this a blood sugar/caffeine crash, or is everyone out to get me?
HAHAHAHA why would I choose when I can have BOTH??
HAHAHAHA why would I choose when I can have BOTH??
I'm gonna stop practicing making embarrassing confessions & start practicing NOT making them. BTW, I wanna have sex with ALL OF YOU.
Shit!
Shit!
Sir, you're way too attractive to sabotage yourself with jean cutoffs in that indecent fashion.
That's right, just slide them right off.
That's right, just slide them right off.
Working a bizarre, inconvenient schedule this week. I don't know how to say "No" to my manager.
Well, without "problem!" slipping out, too.
Well, without "problem!" slipping out, too.
16
Why do I feel all hung over today? I went to bed completely sober last night!
Well, mostly sober.
Well, sober compared to my roommate.
Well, mostly sober.
Well, sober compared to my roommate.
16
I'm thankful for the alcohol which is currently numbing me, and also for The Intarwebs, where there is no such a thing as "overshare."
15
I may not know the names of local stations, ma'am, but remember—you're the idiot who called the library for TV listings.
So...there's that.
So...there's that.
15
I was going to mention accidentally seeing myself naked just now, but "Lovecraftian monstrosity" & "atavistic horror" were too long to fit.
15
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