My girlfriend looked at me with her sexy eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with only two fingers baby" So I poked her in the eyes

My Twitter, My Tweets. Problem? Dismiss Yourself.. Simple!

I'm so ready for school..... to end

I want WiFi everywhere

You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care.

Excuse me, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.

RT if you are single.

Not talking to you kills me, but trying to talk to you and being ignored hurts even more.

RETWEET if you lived through these dates: 1/1/1 2/2/2 3/3/3 4/4/4 5/5/5 6/6/6 7/7/7 8/8/8 9/9/9 10/10/10 11/11/11 12/12/12

When someone says to you "We need to talk" you get that nervous feeling.

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Death: Take my hand.. Person: No! I know that if I touch you I'll die! Death: OMG you're so smart! High Five! *Person High-Fives*

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I wish my summer vacation was as long as Phineas & Ferb's.

People 7173822 miles away: omfg you're so cute how are you single.................... People around me: omfg i didn't know potatoes walked

im hungry & tired AT THE SAME DAMN TIME

That awkward moment when you can't remember someone's name and it's far too late to ask.

Dear Headphones, stop having rough sex on my pocket. Sincerely, Tired of Untangling wires.

Offering someone food and secretly hoping they don't want it.

Dear person who's sitting next to me in the exam. Please write bigger. Sincerely, I was tweeting too much.