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I'm not above quoting Blink-182 to girls too young to remember their early stuff.
Drinking in bed makes me feel like an old, dying king with no heir.
If I had to guess, I'd say I'm probably bad-to-mediocre at chariot racing.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I used a cliché to start a joke that seems like it'll rhyme but ends with me just explaining the joke.
Puppy dogs, am I right?
*Mouth opens way too far*
*Thousands of scorpions crawl out*
*Scorpions sing Panama*
And THAT is what I think about The Hobbit movies
Fuck damnit mother-shitting son-of-a-bitcher fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
If you dislike the song Baba O'Riley, you need to quit being a motherfucker.
I bet rip van winkle woke up just as he was getting to the good part of his dream
Ever notice how stuff is just a bunch of other stuff?
It's pretty fun to watch people's faces as you pronounce the H in honest
I'm sorry if your name is Jeremy, but I feel like it's a name for someone who is permanently eleven.
It's always been a dream of mine to get in an argument with someone I don't like while I'm really sick so I could throw up on them
THE FIRST FOUR BARS OF THE DRAGNET THEME
Last night one of my friends would not drop a character he called "Stoner Hitler." Upon a night of cautious reflection, it was pretty funny.
MY THEORY: It must be my uncontainable sex appeal and good looks that make it hard for me to sleep. It's the only logical answer.
If I won powerball I'd go straight to the 50 yr old dad life. House in the suburbs, disapproving expression, read the paper in my bathrobe.
I always feel way awkward around people who don't cuss. As a society, we gotta either all cuss, or nobody cusses. I vote we all cuss.
If you ate my flesh to gain my strength you'd have a net loss. I pick the music because I'm driving.
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