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Parents, you are responsible for teaching your children about safe sex, Star Wars, and how to pour a beer that isn't 90% foam.
NC Pastors, if you want to instruct your congregation to vote for #AmendmentOne that's fine, but you'll need to fill out these tax forms.
How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They'll just complement it and get mad when it won't screw.
Dear Americans: Cashiers are not retail robots, they are people who work long hours for a non-living wage. Treat them with respect & dignity
John Hamm is mad because everyone is focused on his anatomy and not his accomplishments. LADIES BE LIKE WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
Nothing sexier than two wealthy white dudes talking about vagina laws. Really, I'm super wet right now. Really. #VPdebate
A handy-dandy guide to the biblical definition of marriage. You're welcome. http://t.co/T8vMbFvM
@feministajones The NUMBER ONE criticism of modern feminism is its lack of intersectionality. It has created a hostile environment for WOC.
Nickelback & Avril Lavigne forming a Voltron is the first horse of the shitty-music-pocalypse.
When I stare at a picture of Reese Witherspoon, I develope CHINsanity.
When there is no more room in hell, the dead will Instagram their cats... http://instagr.am/p/Sy-pJIBwUj/
If you have a non-essential job and your corporate employer has you working tomorrow, I will gladly throat-punch the CEO in your honor.
Also, you can't buy liquor at the grocery store in North Carolina. The fuck kind of backwards-ass bullshit is that? VODKA IS A GROCERY.
@angryblacklady Guys who whine about getting "friendzoned" = Guys who do not get to sleep with me. Ever.
How surprised would you be if I said I don't give a fuck about March Madness unless it involves some kind of zombie disease epidemic?
@wolfrum I'm seriously considering converting to Christianity so that I can qualify for all that bonus free speech.
BITCHPUDDING.
