Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Manscaping is tuff. Next time I'm just putting it in a French Braid
#theyhatemebecause Puhlease! just look at my self portrait avi <duh>
can you ladies with the sexy avatars please tweet faster. I'm trying to do "something" here
Lady I don't know if your driving will improve with your phone shoved up your ass but what say we find out!!
No Work for me today *skipping* yes I said I was skipping !No I do not sit to pee!
Being Dad to a grown daughter is tough. I'd chop off my arms for her, but I'd miss not having them when I want to strangle her.
Hey I'm paying my hard earned money for this Twitter thing. MAKE ME LAFF! what? huh? Twitter is Free? oh nevermind sorry carry on!
Asst. secretly switched me to DECAF. Should she use Butter or Margarine for the 2nd degree burns?
51 and going for 1st pedicure today. If I come out with desire to suck dicks I'm suing sumbody!
See I'm starting to think that you fuckers may actually know and talk to some real live people. That's where you all go isn't it?
fyi to 16yrold in elev. the 4oz. can of AXE is NOT A SINGLE USE CONTAINER!!!!!!
Did you guys know that Lotion can also be used for dry skin on your elbows and stuff?
Nothing makes me want to do a bong hit like doing a bong hit. See what kinda trouble I'm in here folks?
I can be as emotionally unavailable as you'd like me to be.
Let me hear just one more of you bitch about a barking dog! There are friggin' chickens under my window! Who wants a wing?
her:911! Your emergenc? Me: My minibar is out of Vodka her:sir that's not an emerg. Me: THE FUCK IT'S NOT!
No I'm not high! I always wear my socks when I take a shower! WTF??
My walk of shame is me coming out of the Dunkin Donuts with a dozen and no one with which to share them.
"Hi Baby. What's your sign?" Not getting anybody laid since 1972
I don't know who invented the bong! But I'm pretty sure I'd give him a hand job!
If you understand sarcasm? Climb aboard. Otherwise, fuck off!