Any man can fuck a woman's body. Smart ones include her mind.

My friends @karmaloop r giving away $2,000 to Karmaloop to 1 random person who tweets #Karmaloop today until 5pm http://plixi.com/p/47963133

When I buy a woman panties, I am simply putting my money where my mouth is.

I told bin Laden he shouldn't have signed up for Foursquare.

At least when I date zombie chicks, I know they love me for my brains.

"I see your lips are best friends... too bad my cock is about to come between them." #PornoRomance

If greeting card makers are to stay relevant in the age of social media, there needs to be a "Thanks for tweeting your tits" card.

Penis illin'? Try penicillin!

With the popularity of MILFs like @thereallisaann, the term "motherfucker" should now be a badge of honor!

Saying gay marriage weakens straight marriages is like saying your living room becomes ugly when I hang a picture you don't like in mine.

HONK HONK! RT @gf_films: Honk if you love girls who love girls!!!!!!

#TeamNatasha don't forget to vote for lovely @missnatashanice today!  http://miss.freeones.com/natasha-nice/ 

"Your hair is particularly gorgeous tonight. I can't wait to entangle my fingers in it, pull you close, and throat-fuck you." #PornoRomance

I don't always use a Fleshlight, but when I do, I prefer @jessejane. Stay horny, my friends!

Great pic Danica! RT @danicadanali: #NoThongThursday Enjoy :) pic.twitter.com/rQYuFQ1x

Masturbate like no one's watching. Your stalker will appreciate that.

I'm giving my tongue a proper name. I think "Dances with Clits" has a nice ring to it.

"I'm going to go all Cookie Monster on your pussy." #PornoRomance

Sometimes "no" means "no" and sometimes it means "fuck me until nothing else in the world matters."

If juice boxes moaned when I sucked them, I'd drink them all the time. (inspired by @mandynopants)