I'm not taking it anymore! Unless its in the ass..or in the mouth, I like it in the mouth..oh fuck it, I'll just keep taking it..

My doctor is well over 300 lbs. Makes me question my healthcare selections. Well, until he writes my perscriptions, that is..

Ever sit and wonder whats wrong.. then realize you're sober?

Seriously? Hubby blames me for computer failure because I used his power cord.. this is why I have a boyfriend..

What I lack in looks, I make up for in enthusiasm for fucking

Is there AA for Twitter? Is it called TA? Wait. TA, T&A, fuck, now I'm back where I started..

Most of the funny people in my TL aren't following me back. I'M FUNNY TOO YOU FUCKERS!! Ok, maybe not, but I HAVE BIG BOOBS YOU FUCKERS!

Its very difficult getting laid with my husband around.

I am definitely the most horny woman at this bus stop.

I'm cutting my husbands picture out of all the family photos and replacing him with Twitter followers. I know where my loyalties lie..

I only using sex to gain followers. Then I'm going all political on your asses.

Guess what? Twitter is filled with jokes, sarcasm, realism.. Don't take me so fucking literally. There's room for that at Facebook.

I have been on my back all day and still have not gotten laid. I'm going to try all fours tomorrow.

I think I'll go watch porn and masturbate. Can I get a wing woman for this strap on? It's was hard getting the dog to stand still last time

Guess my neighbor didn't like me laying out topless today. Maybe I shouldn't have had her husband rub the oil on..

I am sure of 2 things now:

I am an excellent driver while stoned.
I get lost easily.

My tits are itchy. Can I rub your cock in between them?

I've officially been on Twitter long enough to ask.. Why is Facebook still around?

A girl my son goes to school with just posted on FB that she made the "on a roll" for the nine week grading period.. We're changing schools.

Hubby's birthday is tomorrow. I got him skydiving lessons.. In other news, I bought a black dress and veil today..