If you're trying to get me to notice you stop.

I’m feeling over communicated.

Most of my energy is put towards trying to figure out if I found a balance between your needs and mine.

The universe washed away all the roads that don’t lead to me but I’m still the one holding her breath underwater.

Woo bitches with that slow dick. Bitches love that slow dick.

I wanna slow you down and hold you close.

Sometimes I have to retrace my steps.

Welcome to IHOP can I take your order?
Yes. Give me enough pancakes to numb my pain.Oh and I’ll take a side of crippling insecurity to go.

When I use a drive through ATM I feel like I’m saying, Heey I’m just sitting here getting money in my cute car.You know you want it.2 for 1

I know aliens live among us because contact lenses come in rows of five.

My lower bottom tooth is a quarter of a millimeter crooked.  https://vine.co/v/b9BLdJzTvjr 

Leave the nutsack. Take the cannoli.

#NutsackMovieQuote

I really like your face.

I curled my hair and put a nightie on to eat cold pizza with my best friend.
Yay Saturday

@bucmachine aw thanks !

How many of you have tweeted just the word “drunk”?
I better see some hands

I was standing in my kitchen when I realized I didn’t know what clothes I had on.

Did you read that before you sent it?
What are you on?
And can I have some?
-subtweet

You can get anywhere in 15 minutes if you know how to drive.

I feel like we spend our weekends trying to get diabetes.