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RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 12:10 PST. So, Jesus just showed up. Told me that science actually can answer everything. Cool guy. Also, he's black.
RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 12:05 PST. 5 minutes after Christ's return. No noticeable difference. I'm not even on fire. #slacker #JudgementDay
RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 12:03 PST. Oh, guess it WAS just me. Go figure. #JudgementDay
RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 12:00 PST. Is it just me or is my house trembling? ...Is this an earthquake?! ARE THE END TIMES HERE?! #JudgementDay
RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 11:50 PST. Out of Doritos. God damn it. There best be more when I get to heaven or there'll be hell to pay. #zingers LOL!
RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 11:48 PST. Opened bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. May my last supper begin. #JudgementDay
RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 11:40 PST. Have set all my Richard Dawkins books on the coffee table. Pretty sure Jesus will enjoy them. #JudgementDay
RAPTURE COUNTDOWN: 11:35 Pacific Standard Time. 25 minutes to Christ's return. #JudgementDay
I was born. Then I made a Twitter. I try to be funny. Sometimes I succeed.