Going to get my dad a twitter so he can tell strangers instead of me what he's doing every 5 seconds.

I feel like yelling "I'M A PALE WHITE EDUCATED PERSON FROM THE SOUTH AND I VOTED FOR OBAMA" at these tv commentary people.

@sweet_toof I believe she was one of the main activists responsible for gaining woman the right to vote and she is on the half dollar.

I think I'm spending too much time with animals... That womanly "Im going to murder you with my eyes" didn't work so I growled...

So much drama over a sleeping spot! Just share it. Rotate. Whatever.  http://twitpic.com/bc8xyf 

Need the voter intimidation and malfunctioning machines and other shenanigans to stop before I pop a blood vessle.

I feel a little less bitchy for sending dad to voicemail today because I've lost my voice. Sorry, can't talk. Literally.

Every day is #noshaveNovember if you're single and it's not tank top season.

Bahaha can you tell I havent had caffeine yet today. *facepalms*

Oh, I love what you've done with your tails! pic.twitter.com/ahpQ2P3070

Texas babies coo along with monthly tornado alarm tests.

Would it be creepy to email the news station and ask exact location of that vid because there was a weird colored squirrel and I want it?

Ollie is a snazzy dresser. pic.twitter.com/uNVnjhSm

I was given 5 bottles of hand sanitizer for Christmas. Are people saying my new house guests are dirty?! Omg.

I'm 27 drinking whisky watchign a movie geared for 13yos with a squirrel on a Friday night. Wtf happened to my life?

Olivia got her cone off and is rolling around going nuts. If she's good Ill just leave it off she's been miserable. pic.twitter.com/7dsho2V4

Can only stand smacking, slurping and loud chewing if the responsible party has whiskers.

My eyes won't stop leaking, I can't stop coughing, my stomach is in knots and my cat bit me. Also scared of the lady behind Flo Rida's hair.

Kurt Squirrel did the same thing he does everyday- buried some nuts then spied on the neighbors. @chriscolfer  http://twitpic.com/ba6v37 

@juicymorsel Did you know hot pockets get their smokey flavor from duck feathers? #funfactIlearnedtoday #foreverruined #yourwelcome