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Non smokers look down on smokers. Smokers look down on paan masala chewers. Masala chewers don't look at all & spit on shoes of non smokers.
In a GD we were asked to say a few words about 'Sex'.. so I said 'Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure.' and sat down.
If I ever have a daughter, when she's grown up, I will show her "Taken" & say, "Make smart life choices because I can't do shit like that!"
"I don't want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to figure out how it's all your fault." ~ girls
Absence is important. Even the most intoxicating perfume loses its charm after a while because of its mere constant presence.
Go to Twitter settings. Scroll down to "Your Twitter Archive". Download ALL your tweets. Even your first. DO IT. DO EEEEEET NOW!
Every girl wants a Raj. Then cries foul when it turns out to be a Thackeray.
Kashmiri girls are so damn hot man!! No wonder two whole nations are constantly fighting over it.
Love makes the world go round. Faith can move mountains. Because fuck science.
They said I could be anything, so I became a burden on the society.
Cousin: Bhaiya boards are over. Ab to aish rahegi. Ghar wale bhi kuch nahi bolenge!
Me: *wipes a tear from eye* Tu saala chutiya hi reh gaya
Owls look so bored all the time. Like in their head they're going, " Yeah, sure, whatever muggle. You don't know half the shit I've seen."
Don't be an asshole. The government hates competition.
I check my phone the way new mothers check to see if their baby is breathing.
If websites were women, IRCTC would be your mom.
"Mom can I.."
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Diwali unites us. It's that great time of the year when art, commerce & science students, all turn into electrical engineers.
When they finally learn to live without you, let them.
As a kid you're cute so every girl who sees you goes "Awww", but this awww-ing stops when you grow up. This is known as awww-zone depletion.
Friend-zone < Bro-zone < "Yaar mera BF kal tere sheher aa raha hai. Usko ghuma de please.."-zone.
I once said something funny. And now all these people follow me hoping I will do it again someday soon.