4/21 is national random drug test day.

Hey...Great Britain....America called. They want their "Everything revolves around us" back

Jessica Simpson has already taught her baby everything she knows.

Hey Glee, for your next show please build it around Lynyrd Skynyrd songs and at the end of the show all the characters die in a plane crash

Tomorrow...trade cell phones with your significant other for the day...see how many of you are single by the end of the day...

WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE CONTACT ANNIE TO SEE IF SHE IS DOING OKAY?

The road to Hell is paved with everything that feels like Heaven.

The NBA is like Crayola Crayons....really no need for the color white....

You know you've made a wrong turn when all the wifi signals are gang names.

I'm not going to sweep you off your feet...instead...I am going to throw you over the back of your couch and show you how much I like you

Bitch, I'm not paying 14 dollars to watch Titanic in 3d....I might as well rent the shit and throw ice at your face

"In same sex marriages......who makes the sammich?"

Whatever U do in life, always give 100%........unless you're donating blood

Do Snuggies make condoms?

I always laugh so hard when I see Chewbacca welding something on the ship. That hairy bastard is gonna catch on fire some day.

Everyone had a girl that they went to school with that shoved a pickle/hot dog up her cooter and it broke off...right?

or so rumor has it

If God created man in his own image...well...God must be one hell of a cry baby-dickhead-wookie cunt.

If you never played Monopoly with the shoe...then my friend...you have not lived the life

Tonight I am taking my GF out to a very nice restaurant so we can both play on our Iphone without saying a word to each other

You know what I heard the best cure for halitosis is? Rinsing your mouth out with buckshot. Also seems to cure stupid.