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Dr. Ben Carson briefly suspended the election campaign in order to surgically remove his own foot from his mouth.
Always call your mother on your birthday and thank her for doing all the hard work.
All you did was cry when the doctor slapped your ass.
Body by Chipotle.
I [insert heart emoji] u
New York's Pink Pussycat Boutique busy rebranding their 10-inch line 'The Lenny Kravitz.'
Your mom just sent me a Snapchat.
Wanna see the screenshot?
President Trump and the nuclear button...
Iran: you're Fired! <Booom!>
Mexico: you're Fired! <Booom!>
Windows 10 comes out today.
My porn is going to look so much better now.
No, Ben Affleck...you're not Batman.
"Wow Science...you took Humanity to Pluto and beyond! Humanity is just stuck in the Dark Ages with me. I am so jealous."
How are you feeling now?
Ok, how about...now?
If you are still reading this,
then you don't have it.
C'mon! We all know what he really wants....
The best part about the Batman vs. Superman trailer is when Ben Affleck ruins the movie.
I'll take 'Math' for a hundred, Alex...
THIS SUBSET INCLUDES INFINITY PLUS ONE.
...Who are the women that are not attracted to me?
"Hey boy, are you the Confederate flag? Cus I'm a slave for you..."
~ Britney Spears sext.
Hey Religion, you had over 2000 years to get rid of all the gays.
You have failed miserably.
Do me a favor...?
Take that selfie stick and shove it up your ass.
C'mon...have a laugh.
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