Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I've never been dead.
*added to bucket list*
"Fuck you people with peanut, caramel, and nougat allergies"
- Me, thoroughly enjoying a Snickers.
Thought eating whole bag of vegetables would satiate my hunger, but nope! I'm still hungry.
I feel your pain, vampires.
Relationship status: Making my selfie a sandwich.
Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, but there's still hope.
Sure, I could marry a girl like Marilyn Monroe but what I really want is a girl like Bettie Page.
You be my bae, I'll be your beau.
Relationship Status: Typing "Bae" in urban dictionary.
Very disappointed to learn everybody was Kung Fu fighting in the 70's. Such a violent era.
"In what position should I put this Missionary?"
Tweets in my Draft folder are just sitting there waiting for the right punch line to come along.
...like Rihanna and Chris Brown.
Hey guys, Becky from Facebook said she's going to the gym.
Don't worry...I will alert the media.