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President Trump and the nuclear button...
Iran: you're Fired! <Booom!>
Mexico: you're Fired! <Booom!>
Windows 10 comes out today.
My porn is going to look so much better now.
No, Ben Affleck...you're not Batman.
"Wow Science...you took Humanity to Pluto and beyond! Humanity is just stuck in the Dark Ages with me. I am so jealous."
How are you feeling now?
Ok, how about...now?
If you are still reading this,
then you don't have it.
C'mon! We all know what he really wants....
The best part about the Batman vs. Superman trailer is when Ben Affleck ruins the movie.
I'll take 'Math' for a hundred, Alex...
THIS SUBSET INCLUDES INFINITY PLUS ONE.
...Who are the women that are not attracted to me?
"Hey boy, are you the Confederate flag? Cus I'm a slave for you..."
~ Britney Spears sext.
Hey Religion, you had over 2000 years to get rid of all the gays.
You have failed miserably.
Do me a favor...?
Take that selfie stick and shove it up your ass.
Well, I suppose I will have to get married one day. I can't expect to be happy my whole life, right?
...and then her stinging slap made our heads knock together like empty coconuts.
~ If 50 Shades was written by Moe, Larry, and Curly.
When I post on Facebook "Chillin' at home with the wife" it's really a secret code that tells my girlfriend "DONT TEXT ME!"
"...then she plucked my feathers and tickled my ass with them."
~ if "50 Shades"was written by Donald Duck.
Some people call it Valentine's Day.
I call it Saturday.
We can't make bad movies and we can't make cartoons?
The world doesn't need god. The world needs a sense of humor.
C'mon...have a laugh.
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