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Tonight is Ladies Night. Women can tweet for free.
Amit it...you starred it and didn't even read it.
Don't know why President Obama doesn't consult with Sarah Palin on the Russian situation. She's obviously the expert on Russia.
I joined the Lollipop Guild so now I welcome you to munch on THIS!
*makes suggestive crotch grab*
I stopped Instagraming pictures of food and now my mom won't stop calling to ask if I'm still eating.
If Obama is the face of government, then the members of Congress are the pimples.
My recollections of the 70's have been reduced to one long Blacksploitation montage.
12 years a wage-slave.
But on the bright side, they're gonna give me a gold watch when I retire.
Whenever you're sad and depressed, just remember that I've been stuck on the same level of Candy Crush for 3 months.
Listen, you don't stick a feather in your cap and call it macaroni unless you're a complete idiot.
Truthful Toothday: I have 32 of them.
I was using a flip-phone as a flashlight way before they invented flashlight apps, so who's the real innovator now, huh?