Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Though I saw a real-life superhero, but alas...it was just another asshole in a Captain America shield t-shirt.
Wondering what Halloween costume to wear that will make women irresistibly attracted to you?
Dress like a shoe sale.
Now I know what to give as stocking stuffers for Christmas. Thank you, science!
I'm an advocate for yoga because it loosens women up.
And lord knows I love loose women.
Facebook buys WhatsApp for 19 Billion dollars.
Not to be outdone, Google+ buys Goat Simulator for 100 Trillion dollars.
Yes I was staring at your tits, but in my defense...tits.
This tweet goes out to the hearing impaired:
👋 🙌 ✋👆👉☝️✊✌️👈 ✋☝
I could really use a Personality assistant.
ISIL, formerly known as NAMBLA, suffers identity crisis.
"That vodka from last night was such a bad girl to you. There, there baby...mommy is gonna make it all better."
Sucking in my gut whenever a woman comes near is my superpower.
I see a black toe and I wanted painted red.
Hold my breath till I'm purple.
*Rejected nail polish names*
Not saying my wife has a big vagina but she buys her tampons at Sleepy's.
If I convert to Judaism, do I have to give up movies that contain Kevin Bacon?
I've been chill ever since Frankie told me to Relax.
#1 on the NY Times Best Sellers list this week:
"At Arm's Length - the unauthorized autobiography of a Selfie"
(It's a picture book)