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Holding up Mick Philpott as an example of people on benefits, is like using the Daily Mail to represent journalism.
When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07.
Kate Winslet has married Ned Rocknroll. If they don't name their first child 'Webuiltthiscityon', then I'll think less of them.
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
There's a cheat on Call of Duty, where if you play every day you get unlimited virginity.
Once you've realised that saying 'Rihanna' sounds like a French person saying 'RyanAir', you can't un-realise it.
Everyone getting upset about horsemeat in Tesco burgers should be aware that it's actually horse DNA, so it might only be their semen.
"You Tolkien to me?!" - Hobbit de Niro.
When there's a tattooed thigh / on a big Kiwi guy / That's a Maori.
My Jessops, HMV, and Margaret Thatcher "January Accumulator" isn't looking quite so silly all of a sudden.
Piers Morgan thinks the response Thatcher's death is bad on Twitter? The reaction to his will make this look like she was a Saint.
There are 26 acts in #Eurovision. If I had a bullet for each of them, I'd shoot Jedward 26 times. Just to make sure.
She wants a guy who is 'funny & spontaneous', yet I tap on her window uninvited at night dressed as a clown, and it's all screams & sirens.
Found out last night that I'm both gay and dyslexic. I'm still in daniel.
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office - I will track you down. You have my Word.
There's no 'i' in 'Liar'. Adman by day, dragon slaying by Knight.