I always hit "ignore call" with my middle finger.

My signature sex move is called "The Abraham Lincoln" that's when I'm jerking in a theater and I shoot a load on the back of some girls head

I wanna be the one to kiss you goodnight.

Staring through halfway open eyes, Fantasies of my own demise.

Oh her...she was just my practice girl.

Love is the most powerful tool we have. If not spoken or shown it can devastate and cause ruin.

I am in love with your words. “@purplepoetry77: I am in love with the moon!”

...but Vodka's not water and I'm not a duck, so pour me a glass and shut the fuck up!

R.I.P Donna Summer

Still in love, so in love with you.

You want some roses bitch?

I'll bring the fire and make you cum.

Yes, I'll have one more...

Tonight I'll be the best you ever had.

Inside my empty bottle, I was constructing a lighthouse while all the others were making ships.

The love inside your eyes could turn a cloudy day to sunshine.

You. Obviously. Lack. Originality.

"Fuck the law. Bitches I fuck with a passion, I'm livin rough and raw."

I think I've just commited a sin. I accidently divided the opposite over the hypotenuse.

“@ilovepie84: I Nicknamed my penis "Chevy" because he runs deep.”