Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
gonna own a pet shop called "petsa hut" that's literally just shelves and shelves of animals dressed as pizza and revolving on lazy susans.
don't retweet your dreams if you don't follow them
HELLO HUMAN. WE SAW YOU TWEET THE PHRASE "KAWAII JUNGLE BOY" AND ARE HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE UNLOCKED INTERNET II. PLEASE PROCEED.
maybe she wants the V you homophobic bastards
haha wow the first half of that golf course was so rad, wasn't it? remember it dude. remember the nine tees.
"garfield" backwards is "dumb fuckin' cat terrorist"
what i look for in woman: other, smaller women. with even smaller women inside them. and so on. i'm a matryoshka doll collector.
there is a fine line between stalker and artist and i traced it with the pencil you nibbled
r.i.p. foggy weather, you will be mist
misleadingly named places that do in fact not contain dads: dadburg, daddingshire, new dadham, the dad singularity, dadopolis, my childhood
cool teen answers "wtf is this gay shit". trebek explodes, cool teen crowned Unholy Jeopardy Overlord. next 1000 years nothing but pain
boobytrap backwards is partyboob and ｔｈｅ ａｂｙｓｓbackwards is ｓｔｉｌｌ ａｎ ａｂｙｓｓ
oh, not bronies, EQUINE AMERICANS. my bad.
*steps into interrogation room* now you're going to tell us where you put the bomb. either the easy way, or... *pulls out lute* the bard way
LADIES: call me reddit because I'm grossly misunderstood and totally not that bad rea-haha gotcha it's because I'm a human bag of shit
"we laughed at 69. at 420, too. they were funny. but we never suspected 76. it was funny. too funny. and when we found out, it was too late"
Wu-Tang Pond Ain't Nothing To Duck With
attention passengers: we've swapped the light-up "now stopping" sign for a "LAUGHTER" one we stole from a sitcom set. prepare for COMEDY BUS
when i die, all my best tweets are going on my headstone. tweeters will come from far and wide to blow up my gravstar
religion & war? two sides of the same coin. planes & bad food? same coin. dogs & science? yep, same coin. ha ha i have a fuck load of coins
smiling makes the day go quicker. hug your kids and your parents.