My thighs touch, my stomach isn't flat, you can't see my ribs thru my skin, I'm a natural size DD/E. I'm everything some of you make fun of.

Being a parent is easy.
All you gotta do is follow the 3 rules to success

1. Lie
2. Bribe
3. Threats

And you know I'm telling the truth!

Just realized my nipples are showing through my tee.
What the hell, it's Friday, this one's on me!

Don't you dare sneak in and plant that tiny grain of hope in my heart, unless you mean it.
My heart is barely holding together as it is.

I just don't wanna know what the deal is with this me finding all these 35-40:ish guys so very, very fuckable...

I can't be the only one who think it's awkward and creepy when anyone over the age of 12 wear clothes with Hello Kitty on them.

Black eye-liner, make me pretty!

Some people come into your life just simply because they were meant to.

Okay, I'll take t h a t pill but only cause you asked nicely!

Me and hubs are watching UFC.

For two very different reasons...

I'm the cool side of your pillow.

Oh! Music videos on MTV.
Well how about that...

Hubs called me a prude. Really now? You think I'M a prude?
I'll remember that the next time we have sex.
I'll be clean and bruise free!

All I want for Christmas is you.
And I know you know.
But you can still act like you don't know.
Cause I act like it's not you.
You know.

Whoever stole my better mood can give it back now....

I think I just found my latest superpower.
Or maybe it's just the shade of my skin making me blend in so well with these white walls...

You know you're damaged from having kids when you see a rusty old truck and immediately think "Hey, a real life Mater. Sweet!"

Anyone got any roofies to spare?

Working with an all women staff makes women turn into even more evil bitches than usual.

Myself included!

Ok if I pass out now? All that up and down motion with my head made me dizzy