My husband said to get off twitter because its a waste of time so I went into his garage & had a beer & watched old war movies with him.

According to my husband it only takes me three Pee's to get to the center of a Toilette Paper Roll

My Super Power is playing Twister, because I'm good at putting my foot in my mouth and my head up my ass.

If men had periods the world would end right then & there

I jest past my first typoing class the teacher licked it sew much she axed me two dew it over!

Drinking w Jose Cuervo,Dancing w Jack Daniels, Sleeping w Captain Morgan, & Strolling on the Beach W Johnny Walker is my kind of vacation...

Twinkle Twinkle Twittle Star the one I retweet from afar, your so funny, your so bright. I could retweet & star at you all night...

Twitter: Tweeting With Interesting Twitter Tweets Encourages Retweets

Worry about people that don't worry about you is like handing your a dog a bone & asking him to take it to your other dog

I Hate Someone. I Ate Someone. I Hate Someone. I Ate Someone. Something A serial killer thinks of while pulling Daisy petals off one by one

The easiest way to see a person for what they really are is to allow them to walk all over you and watch to see how far they will go

Went to the doctors & was told I have athletes foot, tennis elbow & swimmers ear so Ive decided to audition for the Olympics. Im so Pumped!

Laughter followed by Negativity & Judgement does not warrant acceptability when it fails to respect the rights of the individuals involved

Your dog loves ME more than he loves YOU so there!!!!

Perfect People go to Hell because it's the only Life they've ever known.

I used to be a Couch Potato till I got this lazy boy chair now Im just a sweet potato in recline

Hot Peppers are natures way of saying size doesn't matter & fuck off at the same time...

Saw this lady wearing pants that read sexy on the back the toilette paper tail she had sticking out the back was blocking my view though...

Im wearing my Superman Shirt today because my Batman Suit is in the Washer

I was re-gifted as a child & I never got over it...In fact I still have the box...