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No one ever believes me when I tell them I'm going to ruin their life.
I just turned down sex with someone because I think I'm in love with someone else. Seriously, I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore.
Sometimes the universe wants you to fuck your ex again, and by universe I mean alcohol and consistent bad decision making skills.
Can't you see you're the love of my life, you stupid, stupid fuck?
You're good looking. Let's practice making babies.
Step 1. Meet someone
Step 2. Have feelings
Step 3. Freak out
Step 4. Emotionally shut down
Step 5. Repeat steps 1-4
Step 6. Die alone
If you were smart you'd take advantage of the fact that I want you.
Find someone who doesn't make you wish you were dead.
FINE. Maybe I WILL go fuck myself.
There's a shitload of overdramatic sighing in adulthood.
Yes, yes, I love you. Will you fuck off now?
Let's start dating and see who can ruin the other person's life the fastest.
I want you to like me. But not too much. And not too little. And in a very specific way. Depending on the day. And my mood. Good luck.
Swearing on Twitter is my anti-drug. Come for the cuteness, stay for the rage. I say FUCK! a lot.
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