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Just put the empty paper towel roll in my mouth, if you're curious who never passes up an opportunity to simulate oral on a phallic object.
Drinking wine out of a flower vase because all my dishes are dirty and I've given up on life.
I'm not asking for much. I just want to end up with you forever.
Chocolate in moderation? No thanks.
Time to take matters into my own hands and force this dumb motherfucker to love me.
I just made up my own horoscope and it says "just fucking avoid everyone today because you're clearly not cut out to be around any humans."
Put your phone down and go to sleep, you stupid piece of shit.
I just need love and attention and a 72 hour psychiatric hold.
Relationship math is simple. The less you want me, the more I'll want you.
When it comes to relationships, how many times do I have to ask "when will I fucking learn?" before I realize, I'll NEVER fucking learn.
I'm not asking you to fall in love with me. Just pretend to be obsessed with me until I get annoyed and am no longer interested in you.
Not saying I'm old or out of shape, but I just had a 2 1/2 hour, non-stop text conversation with someone and my thumbs really fucking hurt.
Nice to live in a time where you can get yourself off watching a video of someone getting themselves off to a video of you getting off.
Sometimes it's okay to just shut the fuck up and keep your replies to yourself.
Just when I think I'm okay being around people, they go and ruin everything by saying things and having opinions.
Swearing on Twitter is my anti-drug. Come for the cuteness, stay for the rage. I say FUCK! a lot.
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