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It's amazing how much space you can free up on your phone when you delete all the dick pics saved on your camera roll.
Just say yes to dirty, hot sex.
It's cute when someone has feelings for you and they think you're emotionally capable of having those same feelings for them in return.
Ruin a great friendship by turning it into a relationship.
Fool me once, go fuck yourself.
The only thing I look forward to anymore is going home and taking my fucking pants off.
I said I'll love you forever, but I meant maximum four months.
Is there a handbook or instruction manual on giving a fuck about other people because that's obviously a skill I wasn't born with.
I'm just two people short of a threesome, a love triangle or anything else that'd be worth tweeting about.
Crazy how some people are SO fantastic and others.... Ehhhh not so much.
Does anyone like a challenge? Because I need someone to love me.
Sometimes I think back and I'm like, I can't believe I ever wanted to fuck that person.
I start fights with people for no reason just so I have an excuse to not talk to them in the future.
Waste your entire day wondering what the person you like is up to.
Let's play that game were we fall madly in love and then I ruin your life and you ruin mine.
I bet if you fuck Martha Stewart you'll automatically know how to perfectly fold a fitted sheet.
All this pent up sexual frustration has turned to anger and rage, and now I want to kick the shit out of the next good looking person I see.
You tweet a lot of stupid shit when you're waiting for the person you like to pay attention to you.
Swearing on Twitter is my anti-drug. Come for the cuteness, stay for the rage. I say FUCK! a lot.
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