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I'm not a morning, noon or night person. Basically, don't talk to me ever.
I posted a tweet about Hungry Hungry Hippos and anal beads once, so no, I haven't always tweeted about hating my life.
I'm running out of original ways to say the exact same shit I've already tweeted 100 times before.
A shitty relationship would do wonders for my tweets.
It's fun when you like someone and they have zero fucking interest in you and then you remember why it's easier to just hate everyone.
Tweet like you want your family to disown you.
Let's get into a serious relationship and see who can ruin the other's life the fastest.
A dragonfly just landed on my face an I reacted the same way I'd react if an actual dragon had landed on my face.
I look pretty amazing for someone who no longer gives a fuck and gave up on life a long time ago.
People who say "You shouldn't let one person ruin your entire day," are exactly the type of people who ruin my entire day.
You only need to find a spider in your bed once to give up sleeping forever.
You people and your bae bullshit are stupid as fuck.
My tweets are brought to you by the words "fuck it" and "send."
Bank of America just emailed to let me know it's time to start fucking strangers for money.
Someone just asked if I knew a good joke so I told them about the last five years of my life.
I'm an embarrassment in the streets and a who the fuck knows in the sheets.
I'm one person short of having a relationship status.
Swearing on Twitter is my anti-drug. Come for the cuteness, stay for the rage. I say FUCK! a lot.