Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
It's a really great ego boost when you tell someone you want to fuck them and they reply to you with a "ha ha."
Sorry I come on too strong or not strong enough, depending on who you are and whether or not I want to have sex with you.
Sorry I fell out of love with you, but in my defense you didn't pay attention to me for 24 whole minutes.
I wish my vibrator came with as many fancy attachments as my toothbrush does.
I'm NOT crying. I'm just a tiny bit allergic to loneliness.
My sex drive has been stuck in neutral for so long it may as well be in reverse.
I'll use your dick as a straw, I don't give a fuck.
There has to be more to life than just tweeting stupid shit to strangers on the Internet.
I'm at the age where I really thought I would've had my shit together by now.
I have a hot date with six loads of laundry today.
Whenever a guy invites you over to "hang out," he may as well just say he wants his dick to hang out in your pussy.
No point having feelings. No one cares about them or you anyway.
If you could overdose on loneliness I would have been dead a long time ago.
It's easy to love someone you don't really know.
I wasn't cheating. I have ADD. Yes, relationship ADD. It's caused by you not paying enough attention to me so I had to fuck someone else.
Yes I'm home tweeting on a Friday night because pretending to have a life is just as time consuming and annoying as actually having a life.
My only holiday tradition is masturbating under the mistletoe.
Fool me once, go fuck yourself.
Swearing on Twitter is my anti-drug. Come for the cuteness, stay for the rage. I say FUCK! a lot.