People who say I don't smile enough are people who don't fuck off enough.

Shoulda kept that last tweet in my head because now I'm crying.

Happy Father's Day to the man who made every day of the year seem like Daughter's Day. I love and miss you so, so much.

Romeo, Romeo, where the fuck art thou, motherfucker?

I wear my sunglasses indoors because fuck making eye contact with people.

So... basically not funny at all? RT @greengranbk: @pyrbliss you funny as shit on a stick!

@tallerthanatree THAT'S MY FAVORITE MODE!

I'm still pissed that the Mayans let us down last December.

Plenty more shitty tweets where these came from.

Not to brag, but people used to like me.

Tweet 'til everyone hates you.

I need more friends who want nothing to do with me.

@shanethevein And a megaphone to the annoying.

Guess I should pay more attention to the news. I thought it was NASA who was listening to our calls. From outer space, no less.

I'm almost too tired to hate today. Almost. But I'm more than willing to make an effort.

Directions may as well say "Consume one energy drink for every hour of sleep you didn't get last night" because that's what I plan on doing.

Bored+ tired+ no fucks given= at some point today I'll probably use my eyeliner to draw kitten whiskers or an evil curly mustache on my face

I'm sorry I was rude, but not sorry enough to actually be nice.

I'm tired, I'm cranky & I'm hungry, so I'm going to do whatever I want and say whatever I want and if you have a problem with that FUCK YOU.

I got an hour and 12 minutes of sleep last night. I'm no mathematician, but those numbers add up to me being a supreme bitch today.