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Some days you just want to accidentally overdose on purpose.
I need one of those new vibrators that's actually a real boyfriend.
My favorite holiday tradition involves avoiding people and a ton of masturbating.
If you're new to twitter, welcome. And good fucking luck not becoming mentally deranged like the rest of us here.
If you're horny and you know it
Join the club.
Too dumb to even realize they're breaking your heart.
All it takes is accidentally letting one person get close to you, to ruin all the work you did building up walls and pushing everyone away.
They don't actually love you. They just think they love you.
Where are those people who give out free hugs and are they interested in having sex with me?
I have no idea what I should be doing with my life, but I'm pretty sure this isn't it.
If you really want to turn me on, talk dirty to me. And by that I mean shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
The heat must be getting to me because I just considered fucking myself with a Popsicle just to cool off a bit.
Impressive how quickly I can hate everything about myself.
C'mere and let me ruin your life for a few nights. I promise it'll feel really, really good.
Well, I don't have anything to tweet about, but I *am* naked and I look fantastic.
A dick so amazing you want to keep him forever.
Swearing on Twitter is my anti-drug. Come for the cuteness, stay for the rage. I say FUCK! a lot.
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