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A lot of overdramatic sighing and hating everything in adulthood.
Only a few weeks left to hook up with one of your followers before this year is over.
Horny is as horny does, and I'm about to do myself.
Head. The gift I keep on giving.
I'd probably be a lot nicer if I thought Santa still existed.
If it's wrong, frowned upon or completely inappropriate.... Fuck yeah, I'm into it.
Probably won't be getting anything from Santa this year, seeing as I started off my letter to him with, "Listen up, you fat, old fuck."
Let's just have sex now and worry about ruining our friendship later.
If you're not a mind reader don't bother dating me.
If I had a dollar for every time I looked at my phone to see if they'd texted me, I'd have enough money to buy myself a better relationship.
I'm available, if anyone's looking for someone who's available.
I need more friends in my life. Preferably ones with a penis they'd like to put to good use.
I'm only spontaneous if you give me a four hour heads up.
Swearing on Twitter is my anti-drug. Come for the cuteness, stay for the rage. I say FUCK! a lot.
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