I have library late fees from 1996. Thug life.

Dr. Seuss would've been really good at twitter.

Don't bother reading this, I don't have breasts.

My pre-sex routine involves singing "I'm a little teapot" while crying.

Porn is so unrealistic. The women doesn't even make the man a sandwich afterwards.

I wanna build a fort with you and fuck you in it.

Twitter: So this is what an insane clown posse looks like.

WTF is a prostate? I just want a finger in my ass.

I am constantly disappointing myself sexually.

Im outta butter, guess im not having sex with Paula Dean tonight.

I have a paralyzing fear of waking up without an erection.

White sunglasses scream "I do anal."

Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But you're nowhere near the sea. You're in the desert. Alone.

I shampoo my hair at a medium pace.

#FF or they'll take my other kidney. @candy_grrl @circlejokes @holidayze @kaydee_12 @sadsodomyclown @sodomyclown @sof_nbaked @_congorilla_

When you think about it, all batman needs to catch cat woman is a laser pointer.

That moment where you're leaning into a head wind and it just lets go and you fall forward. You know the wind is laughing.

#ff ironed ballbacks @candy_grrl @circlejokes @dankcharnley @nerdsrockk @sadsodomyclown @sodomyclown @sof_nbaked @swampfoxsly @shellyspivey

I'm about to watch clue the movie on netflix. (my suicide note)

I have a boobs to followers deficit ratio.