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For the avoidance of doubt, there is no such thing as 'American English'. There is the English language and there are mistakes.
IT'S NOT ONE'S SODDING BIRTHDAY FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. #jubileeconcert
Give one some sodding warning when the camera is coming, for Christ's sake. #olympicceremony
Absolutely gasping for a gin. That was the driest booze cruise one has ever been on.
Yes, one was tweeting just then. Awkward. #olympicceremony
OK, one takes it back. Let Cheryl mime. Honestly, it's fine. #jubileeconcert
The whole world inside the Union Flag. Brings back memories. #closingceremony
Spain vs Italy: winner gets bailed out by Germany.
In approximately five minutes, one will parachute into the stadium with a fire extinguisher and put out the olympic flame. #closingceremony
Jessie J, sod off and let's have Freddie Mercury back. #closingceremony
A-Level results day tomorrow. Mr Osborne is hoping to have finally passed Maths; Mr Cameron had to retake politics. Mr Clegg did pottery.
Monday is cancelled due to lack of interest.
Get off of one's roof you absolute morons. #jubileeconcert
Text from the Pope: "Have a Good Friday". Joker.
People are wondering where Paul McCartney is. One has three words: Tower of London. #closingceremony
Quit the French commentary moonbeam. We're on the right side of the channel over here. #olympicceremony
There's only one thing that can spoil this: Paul McCartney. #closingceremony
Mr Clegg on the phone. He's failed his biology A-Level. Apparently couldn't find a backbone. Awkward.
Poland vs Greece. Winner gets bailed out by Germany.