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  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    "You know the Xanax is fresh when it's hard to break in half"

    Someone really just said to me.

    As if I didn't already know that. Please.

    • 125
    • FAVS
    idiosityTHE_BUSNESSMAN2tickytackyCanadianMclovinTheCanadianGaytheevilwriterediable_arsenicdrgreenthumbs13
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    THE_BUSNESSMANJalapenoJill2tickytackyediable_arsenicdrgreenthumbs13concretesledge_tsm560Smartticisms
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Waiting for the day when someone tweets about me and says I'm horribly underfollowed.

    • 121
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovintheevilwriterediable_arsenicsiddo471concretesledge_TheLoinRangertsm560JIMBOSWELT
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_tsm560JIMBOSWELTBeenToHellPalejmichaels1Underchildemrbuster60pradogod
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Truthful Tuesday: Sometimes I hold in my pee until it hurts, to show myself how tough I can be.

    Sometimes I just hold it because I'm lazy.

    • 111
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinDirectingTitanediable_arsenicsiddo471concretesledge_justadick7tsm560ddsmidt
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_tsm560ddsmidtJIMBOSWELTBeenToHellPalSirCasioKL7000ducksthoughtsSternoShots
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If Ellen Page is a lesbian, how did she wind up all pregnant as a teenager?

    What is the government not telling us?

    • 95
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilmackenziesawkaAdar79Angietree_hug_rAaaaaarroooonnnCanadianMclovinediable_arsenicsiddo471
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    CanadianMclovinconcretesledge_ddsmidtmcFlappybuttTheAlexNevilUnderchildePretzelNYStarksWeek
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I liked the show 'Two Broke Girls' better when it was called 'Laverne & Shirley'.

    • 92
    • FAVS
    idiosityTHE_BUSNESSMANSuMacDanafiqahshahrinLittleLostPixieNoBadWordsAlpheyCanadianMclovin
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    THE_BUSNESSMANCanadianMclovinJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000DoItWithWooddavesacherAngel_Hererashot_of_cabo
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Nobody's impressed that you're sitting on a Pilates ball in your cubicle. Go ahead and put that shit away.

    • 89
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinTheCanadianGayDirectingTitanediable_arsenicconcretesledge_JIMBOSWELTddsmidtSirCasioKL7000
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    ediable_arsenicJIMBOSWELTddsmidtejmichaels1DumbCatFaceAGreaterMonster__Underchildestonedcoldlazy
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    A guy I follow twittercided last night. He twitted warning signs and even left a 'cide tweet, but none of us listened.

    None of us listened.

    • 86
    • FAVS
    BarrDalyidiosityTHE_BUSNESSMANDrDweezilCanadianMclovinediable_arsenicconcretesledge_JIMBOSWELT
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    idiosityTHE_BUSNESSMANSirCasioKL7000JamesonN7ejmichaels1UnderchildemelodicmadeStarksWeek
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Plan To Fix Obesity in America: Mandate salads on the dollar menu & make the double cheeseburgers $5.79 instead. You're welcome, Mrs. Obama.

    • 73
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovintheevilwriterediable_arsenicconcretesledge_JIMBOSWELTBeenToHellPalSirCasioKL7000bearcub577
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_SirCasioKL7000DumbCatFacepradogodAngelfire_36FFluciditea_MischievousJamdavidvincil
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Anyone who buys Kim Kardashian's selfie book should be put on the terrorist watch list.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilsugarlump4u2jimmyrooney79hausmaus07buchandarraaaang_BeyondMyKenCanadianMclovin
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    ladamatalakeanagirlBeyondMyKenCanadianMclovinSincerelyAmusedmar24gybeskrajanspartybodyart
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Packed with peanuts, Snickers really satisfies. The urge to have an anaphylactic reaction.

    • 62
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_MadDamMusictsm560JIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000TheAlexNevil
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560TheAlexNevilUnderchildestonedcoldlazyqwertyingAdyacesPipersPapersTmoney68
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I'm at my douchiest when I'm at the holistic pet store debating over whether to get my dogs organic banana treats or organic sweet potatoes.

    • 64
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinediable_arsenicconcretesledge_MadDamMusicmiswordedtsm560ddsmidtJIMBOSWELT
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560ddsmidtJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000mrbuster60CallMeMrBigsFoxadelicdrunktweets81
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If I have to scroll & scroll & scroll down your timeline to find one original tweet that isn't a RT, what the fuck are you even doing here?

    • 50
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinconcretesledge_marcusmatherneJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000pradogodUnderchildedaniel_shaw
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    qwertyingtkhan74StarksWeekVoiceofgarthstonedcoldlazyEdgePoetry________you_can_touch____ClockCouchTime____
    Voiceofgarth
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Thanks, Pantene, for emailing me this complimentary coupon for a free hair cut at Wal*Mart.

    I'd rather beavers take their teeth to my hair.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilCanadianMclovinDJVanEverySillygingermomconcretesledge_marcusmatherneJIMBOSWELTwilkensdrew
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_wilkensdrewSirCasioKL7000justkeni11mrbuster60TheRealRHBsmsss5qwertying
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I don't kiss people when I greet them because it seems pretentious & phony.

    If you get a shaky hug, that's about as much as I have to give.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_JIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000pradogodstonedcoldlazyALF_from_TV
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    SirCasioKL7000pradogodlionssheartStarksWeekFoxadelicdrunktweets81TweeterMediocrecraigdtull
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Just stop, people who drive with your convertible's top down but leave your windows up.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinconcretesledge_miswordedtsm560JIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000pradogodstonedcoldlazy
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560mrbuster60StarksWeekCubicalRondarthmizzarkBradNewsBearsdrunktweets81
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    My condolences to anyone on Twitter named Karen…

    • 40
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_RunningCrazy1miswordedJenn_x2_tsm560beingtheo
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560countryclubhellcroweanne70jenyb4CallMeDraperDaleIncitsEZ_EHalfBloodSquib
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Suck it, Canadians. I just got a same-day doctor's appointment too PLUS I only have to pay $600 a month in insurance for the privilege. #USA

    • 37
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilconcretesledge_BeenToHellPalSirCasioKL7000daniel_shawMichabeanmrbuster60qwertying
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    Beer4AGoodTimeTediousYouocourtneynoNatKingKoletonTweeterMediocreKrissNWevltwnHD1NateKofiStruck
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Oh Twitter. I missed you today. Let's make up for lost time.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    concretesledge_SirCasioKL7000mrbuster60stonedcoldlazyALF_from_TVepimetheuslyNowYouSeeHerdaniel_shaw
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    stonedcoldlazyStarksWeekMichabeantkhan74KumarN16YouKnowPaoladestructiclewritersdream
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Searching for jobs online is like searching for porn. You're going to find very little of what you desire and a lot of it seems super shady.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilconcretesledge_JIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000mrbuster60DarkerWillowALF_from_TVManvAlcohol
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    JIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000mrbuster60franCsaysrelaxStarksWeekchuckyhead3jlock17
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Just kill me when I get too old to have sex without lube.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilconcretesledge_JIMBOSWELTooforthmurlobbtexasstalkermomh_abuyatherealinformer
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyPitty_Da_FoolbuchandarrCaribbePirate76dbgindyJamesonN7cutiepiemedicschmuuur
@RAAnonsense

@RAAnonsense

I call myself a writer because have a blog. I can dance and kick really fast. I do stuff with animals for money. http://instagram.com/raanonsense