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  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    "You know the Xanax is fresh when it's hard to break in half"

    Someone really just said to me.

    As if I didn't already know that. Please.

    • 143
    • FAVS
    AllysaElliottBrianIncognito662x3GrumpyBahrTheSharona06DSLikesItchrisnumbersignJollyTaxpayer
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    GrumpyBahrTheSharona06OutOnTheMoorsTraceyLou88anerdonfirechad5773GringoBruleerodtopia
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Waiting for the day when someone tweets about me and says I'm horribly underfollowed.

    • 140
    • FAVS
    talknerdyDMUBrianIncognitoGrumpyBahrCareEg33TheSharona06DSLikesItOutOnTheMoorsdaniel_frijoles
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    Canadas_Finest7GrumpyBahrTheSharona06OutOnTheMoorsNene_Luvs_FunnySmartticismschad5773GringoBrulee
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Truthful Tuesday: Sometimes I hold in my pee until it hurts, to show myself how tough I can be.

    Sometimes I just hold it because I'm lazy.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    GrumpyBahrTheSharona06DSLikesItGringoBruleeNotmumoftheyearrodtopiackretmsageSortaSarcastic
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageUgotMeFdUPDeurb1rainerfmBazarComedyconcretesledge_
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If Ellen Page is a lesbian, how did she wind up all pregnant as a teenager?

    What is the government not telling us?

    • 102
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseTheSharona06SmartticismsGringoBruleerodtopiaSortaSarcasticBazarComedyDrDweezil
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    TheSharona06GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_ddsmidtmcFlappybutt
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Nobody's impressed that you're sitting on a Pilates ball in your cubicle. Go ahead and put that shit away.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseTheSharona06DSLikesItMrsGrey4terrycjtLittleJimmy61GringoBruleerodtopia
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    TheSharona06terrycjtSmartticismschad5773GringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedy
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I liked the show 'Two Broke Girls' better when it was called 'Laverne & Shirley'.

    • 105
    • FAVS
    talknerdyDMUednotsowiseTheSharona06AxenbaneDSLikesItSmartticismsGringoBruleerodtopia
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    TheSharona06DSLikesItGringoBruleeDeurb1BazarComedyTHE_BUSNESSMANCanadianMclovinJIMBOSWELT
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    A guy I follow twittercided last night. He twitted warning signs and even left a 'cide tweet, but none of us listened.

    None of us listened.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseDSLikesItDrivelodeonOutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleeNotmumoftheyearrodtopiaSortaSarcastic
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyidiosityTHE_BUSNESSMANSirCasioKL7000JamesonN7
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Anyone who buys Kim Kardashian's selfie book should be put on the terrorist watch list.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    RantingRecluseHERlilBadBitchjergarlednotsowiseMrsGrey4ninjadinosaur1Axenbaneterrycjt
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    talknerdyDMUHERlilBadBitchjergarlterrycjtGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedy
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Plan To Fix Obesity in America: Mandate salads on the dollar menu & make the double cheeseburgers $5.79 instead. You're welcome, Mrs. Obama.

    • 85
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseAmezsterTheSharona06DSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageThateverydayguy
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    TheSharona06GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyconcretesledge_SirCasioKL7000DumbCatFacepradogod
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I'm at my douchiest when I'm at the holistic pet store debating over whether to get my dogs organic banana treats or organic sweet potatoes.

    • 71
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseTheSharona06GringoBruleerodtopiaSortaSarcasticnovicefatherBazarComedyCanadianMclovin
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    TheSharona06GringoBruleenovicefatherBazarComedytsm560ddsmidtJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Packed with peanuts, Snickers really satisfies. The urge to have an anaphylactic reaction.

    • 67
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedyDrDweezilCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleeckretmsageBazarComedytsm560TheAlexNevilUnderchildestonedcoldlazyqwertying
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I remember when you wanted to hear a song, you had to call the radio station and beg them to play it for you.

    I'm old.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseCareEg33once_fabulousmc_funbagsDuckatopolis1evilidiotLuvPugmjbbuns
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Teagy63mc_funbagsDuckatopolisjimdoyalTracyL66strchsr2occipital1philly_thefool
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If I have to scroll & scroll & scroll down your timeline to find one original tweet that isn't a RT, what the fuck are you even doing here?

    • 62
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseCareEg33DSLikesItAxenbaneOutOnTheMoorsJumpOnMyTutu__GringoBruleerodtopia
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleedeceased2045SortaSarcasticBazarComedyqwertyingtkhan74StarksWeek
    Voiceofgarth
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Just stop, people who drive with your convertible's top down but leave your windows up.

    • 56
    • FAVS
    _crazyredheadDSLikesItGringoBruleeb_dubya41rodtopianovicefatherBazarComedyCanadianMclovin
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedytsm560cpt_ball_creamStarksWeekCubicalRon
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Thanks, Pantene, for emailing me this complimentary coupon for a free hair cut at Wal*Mart.

    I'd rather beavers take their teeth to my hair.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseDSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyDrDweezilCanadianMclovinDJVanEvery
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyconcretesledge_wilkensdrewSirCasioKL7000justkeni11cpt_ball_cream
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I don't kiss people when I greet them because it seems pretentious & phony.

    If you get a shaky hug, that's about as much as I have to give.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseDSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiaSortaSarcasticBazarComedyDrDweezilCanadianMclovin
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleeBazarComedySirCasioKL7000pradogodlionssheartStarksWeekFoxadelicdrunktweets81
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    My condolences to anyone on Twitter named Karen…

    • 48
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseDSLikesItGringoBruleeb_dubya41rodtopiackretmsagejestcoastBazarComedy
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedytsm560countryclubhellcroweanne70jenyb4
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Suck it, Canadians. I just got a same-day doctor's appointment too PLUS I only have to pay $600 a month in insurance for the privilege. #USA

    • 45
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseDSLikesItSmartticismsGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageFlabbergailBazarComedy
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleeBazarComedyBeer4AGoodTimeTediousYouocourtneynoNatKingKoletonTweeterMediocre
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Searching for jobs online is like searching for porn. You're going to find very little of what you desire and a lot of it seems super shady.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsagenovicefatherMonamdusBazarComedyDrDweezil
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedyJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000cpt_ball_cream
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Just kill me when I get too old to have sex without lube.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    ednotsowiseDSLikesItSmartticismsGringoBruleeJaneBadallrodtopianovicefatherBazarComedy
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyarcherenemyPitty_Da_FoolbuchandarrCaribbePirate76dbgindy
@RAAnonsense

@RAAnonsense

I call myself a writer because have a blog. I can dance and kick really fast. I do stuff with animals for money. http://instagram.com/raanonsense