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  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    "You know the Xanax is fresh when it's hard to break in half"

    Someone really just said to me.

    As if I didn't already know that. Please.

    • 138
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItchrisnumbersignJollyTaxpayerOutOnTheMoorsTraceyLou88anerdonfireGringoBruleerodtopia
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsTraceyLou88anerdonfirechad5773GringoBruleerodtopiaDeurb1BazarComedy
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Waiting for the day when someone tweets about me and says I'm horribly underfollowed.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItOutOnTheMoorsdaniel_frijolesNene_Luvs_FunnyGringoBruleeBobDonnelly6rodtopiackretmsage
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsNene_Luvs_FunnySmartticismschad5773GringoBruleeckretmsagedrdbgSortaSarcastic
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Truthful Tuesday: Sometimes I hold in my pee until it hurts, to show myself how tough I can be.

    Sometimes I just hold it because I'm lazy.

    • 124
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleeNotmumoftheyearrodtopiackretmsageSortaSarcasticCarStan1114nittunisia
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageUgotMeFdUPDeurb1rainerfmBazarComedyconcretesledge_
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If Ellen Page is a lesbian, how did she wind up all pregnant as a teenager?

    What is the government not telling us?

    • 100
    • FAVS
    SmartticismsGringoBruleerodtopiaSortaSarcasticBazarComedyDrDweezilmackenziesawkaAdar79Angie
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_ddsmidtmcFlappybuttTheAlexNevil
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Nobody's impressed that you're sitting on a Pilates ball in your cubicle. Go ahead and put that shit away.

    • 101
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItMrsGrey4terrycjtLittleJimmy61GringoBruleerodtopiaXpodzClearlyUnwell
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    terrycjtSmartticismschad5773GringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedyediable_arsenic
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I liked the show 'Two Broke Girls' better when it was called 'Laverne & Shirley'.

    • 102
    • FAVS
    AxenbaneDSLikesItSmartticismsGringoBruleerodtopiaSortaSarcasticnoon_tjBrianIncognito
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleeDeurb1BazarComedyTHE_BUSNESSMANCanadianMclovinJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    A guy I follow twittercided last night. He twitted warning signs and even left a 'cide tweet, but none of us listened.

    None of us listened.

    • 95
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItDrivelodeonOutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleeNotmumoftheyearrodtopiaSortaSarcasticThateverydayguy
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyidiosityTHE_BUSNESSMANSirCasioKL7000JamesonN7
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Anyone who buys Kim Kardashian's selfie book should be put on the terrorist watch list.

    • 76
    • FAVS
    MrsGrey4ninjadinosaur1AxenbaneterrycjtSmartticismsGringoBruleeb_dubya41rodtopia
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    terrycjtGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedyladamatalakeanagirlBeyondMyKen
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Plan To Fix Obesity in America: Mandate salads on the dollar menu & make the double cheeseburgers $5.79 instead. You're welcome, Mrs. Obama.

    • 79
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageThateverydayguyBazarComedyCanadianMclovintheevilwriter
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyconcretesledge_SirCasioKL7000DumbCatFacepradogodAngelfire_36FF
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Packed with peanuts, Snickers really satisfies. The urge to have an anaphylactic reaction.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    GringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedyDrDweezilCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_MadDamMusic
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleeckretmsageBazarComedytsm560TheAlexNevilUnderchildestonedcoldlazyqwertying
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I'm at my douchiest when I'm at the holistic pet store debating over whether to get my dogs organic banana treats or organic sweet potatoes.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    GringoBruleerodtopiaSortaSarcasticnovicefatherBazarComedyCanadianMclovinediable_arsenicconcretesledge_
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleenovicefatherBazarComedytsm560ddsmidtJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000cpt_ball_cream
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If I have to scroll & scroll & scroll down your timeline to find one original tweet that isn't a RT, what the fuck are you even doing here?

    • 60
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItAxenbaneOutOnTheMoorsJumpOnMyTutuGringoBruleerodtopiadeceased2045DaniDuck
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleedeceased2045SortaSarcasticBazarComedyqwertyingtkhan74StarksWeek__
    Voiceofgarth
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Just stop, people who drive with your convertible's top down but leave your windows up.

    • 56
    • FAVS
    _crazyredheadDSLikesItGringoBruleeb_dubya41rodtopianovicefatherBazarComedyCanadianMclovin
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedytsm560cpt_ball_creamStarksWeek__CubicalRon
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Thanks, Pantene, for emailing me this complimentary coupon for a free hair cut at Wal*Mart.

    I'd rather beavers take their teeth to my hair.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyDrDweezilCanadianMclovinDJVanEverySillygingermom
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyconcretesledge_wilkensdrewSirCasioKL7000justkeni11cpt_ball_cream
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I don't kiss people when I greet them because it seems pretentious & phony.

    If you get a shaky hug, that's about as much as I have to give.

    • 53
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleerodtopiaSortaSarcasticBazarComedyDrDweezilCanadianMclovinconcretesledge_
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleeBazarComedySirCasioKL7000pradogodlionssheartStarksWeek__Foxadelicdrunktweets81
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    My condolences to anyone on Twitter named Karen…

    • 47
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleeb_dubya41rodtopiackretmsagejestcoastBazarComedyDrDweezil
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedytsm560countryclubhellcroweanne70jenyb4
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Suck it, Canadians. I just got a same-day doctor's appointment too PLUS I only have to pay $600 a month in insurance for the privilege. #USA

    • 44
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItSmartticismsGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageFlabbergailBazarComedyDrDweezil
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    DSLikesItGringoBruleeBazarComedyBeer4AGoodTimeTediousYouocourtneynoNatKingKoletonTweeterMediocre
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Searching for jobs online is like searching for porn. You're going to find very little of what you desire and a lot of it seems super shady.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsagenovicefatherMonamdusBazarComedyDrDweezil
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsGringoBruleerodtopiackretmsageBazarComedyJIMBOSWELTSirCasioKL7000cpt_ball_cream
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Just kill me when I get too old to have sex without lube.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItSmartticismsGringoBruleeJaneBadallrodtopianovicefatherBazarComedyDrDweezil
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleerodtopiaBazarComedyarcherenemyPitty_Da_FoolbuchandarrCaribbePirate76dbgindy
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Oh Twitter. I missed you today. Let's make up for lost time.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    DSLikesItSmartticismsGringoBruleerodtopiaconcretesledge_SirCasioKL7000cpt_ball_creamstonedcoldlazy
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    GringoBruleestonedcoldlazyStarksWeek__Michabeantkhan74KumarN16YouKnowPaoladestructicle
@RAAnonsense

@RAAnonsense

I call myself a writer because have a blog. I can dance and kick really fast. I do stuff with animals for money. http://instagram.com/raanonsense