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  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Waiting for the day when someone tweets about me and says I'm horribly underfollowed.

    • 109
    • FAVS
    evem3281UnderchildeAnAverageGiantpradogodMiciuradavid_tullSocialCoJaneTheTalkingPipe
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    Underchildemrbuster60pradogoddavid_tullSocialCoJaneTheTalkingPipetaraannrazjergarl______
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    "You know the Xanax is fresh when it's hard to break in half"

    Someone really just said to me.

    As if I didn't already know that. Please.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevilAGreaterMonsterUnderchildeundonestarTurtlesprints1bbyvelociraptordoktorjAnAverageGiant
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    DumbCatFaceevem3281Underchildebbyvelociraptormrbuster60pradogodTheTalkingPipejergarl______
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Truthful Tuesday: Sometimes I hold in my pee until it hurts, to show myself how tough I can be.

    Sometimes I just hold it because I'm lazy.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevilAGreaterMonsterfindmydollsUnderchildepradogodTheTalkingPipedaniel_shawjergarl______
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    DumbCatFaceUnderchildePretzelNYfranCsaysrelaxStarksWeekjergarl______mrbuster60head_scar
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If Ellen Page is a lesbian, how did she wind up all pregnant as a teenager?

    What is the government not telling us?

    • 83
    • FAVS
    ToxicWorrierbbbob61Gr3yZer0TheAlexNevilUnderchildeheidi_ughmrbuster60AnAverageGiant
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    mcFlappybuttTheAlexNevilUnderchildePretzelNYStarksWeekHalbeerzTheTalkingPipejergarl______
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Nobody's impressed that you're sitting on a Pilates ball in your cubicle. Go ahead and put that shit away.

    • 80
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevilminnie_in_pink7AGreaterMonsterUnderchildeAnAverageGiantstonedcoldlazyALF_from_TVepimetheusly
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    DumbCatFaceAGreaterMonsterUnderchildestonedcoldlazyStarksWeekdavid_tullHalbeerzjergarl______
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I liked the show 'Two Broke Girls' better when it was called 'Laverne & Shirley'.

    • 78
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevilpradogoda_daydreamingSareHereAnTheredannyboy1212wife3kidsnodogsDoItWithWoodHuwLayton
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    DoItWithWooddavesacherAngel_Hererashot_of_caboUnderchildejergarl______1CleverGirl1Michabean
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Plan To Fix Obesity in America: Mandate salads on the dollar menu & make the double cheeseburgers $5.79 instead. You're welcome, Mrs. Obama.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    bearcub577pradogodTheAlexNevila_daydreamingShaolinShogundannyboy1212MakeYourBedlamKause187
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    DumbCatFacepradogodAngelfire_36FFThatKilljoyMischievousJamdavidvincilEagles_Fan_1977angieisso
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    A guy I follow twittercided last night. He twitted warning signs and even left a 'cide tweet, but none of us listened.

    None of us listened.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    DumbCatFaceTheAlexNevilUnderchildeAnAverageGiantALF_from_TVBigBadBurchmelodicmadeTheTalkingPipe
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    UnderchildemelodicmadeStarksWeekTheTalkingPipejergarl______FoxadelictwitchglitchTruculent67
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Packed with peanuts, Snickers really satisfies. The urge to have an anaphylactic reaction.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    TheAlexNevilsup_SammieUnderchildemrbuster60stonedcoldlazyTheTalkingPipedaniel_shawwarhorse76
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexNevilUnderchildestonedcoldlazyqwertyingAdyacesPipersPapersTmoney68Foxadelic
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I'm at my douchiest when I'm at the holistic pet store debating over whether to get my dogs organic banana treats or organic sweet potatoes.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    UnderchildeMilliPaigePHappyPlaceProTheTalkingPipedaniel_shawmrbuster60starrygirl8675Morganlizbeth81
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    mrbuster60CallMeMrBigsFoxadelicdrunktweets81StarksWeekCubicalRontheschmeltzJGMD2020
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    If I have to scroll & scroll & scroll down your timeline to find one original tweet that isn't a RT, what the fuck are you even doing here?

    • 45
    • FAVS
    pradogodUnderchildedaniel_shawBYGHmrbuster60psinerdsssub23KimKardashsToe
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    qwertyingtkhan74StarksWeekVoiceofgarthstonedcoldlazyEdgePoetry________you_can_touch____ClockCouchTime____
    Voiceofgarth
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I don't kiss people when I greet them because it seems pretentious & phony.

    If you get a shaky hug, that's about as much as I have to give.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    pradogodstonedcoldlazyALF_from_TVepimetheuslyTheRealRHBdaniel_shawMorganlizbeth81psinerd
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    pradogodlionssheartStarksWeekFoxadelicdrunktweets81TweeterMediocrecraigdtullCheekyJax
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Just stop, people who drive with your convertible's top down but leave your windows up.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    pradogodstonedcoldlazyjustkeni11ElenaChristiered_tears43daniel_shawmrbuster60Morganlizbeth81
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    mrbuster60StarksWeekCubicalRondarthmizzarkBradNewsBearsdrunktweets81
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Thanks, Pantene, for emailing me this complimentary coupon for a free hair cut at Wal*Mart.

    I'd rather beavers take their teeth to my hair.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    justkeni11NiaHughesPdaniel_shawMichabeanmrbuster60Morganlizbeth81psinerdTheRealRHB
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    justkeni11mrbuster60TheRealRHBsssub23qwertyingsalamifever______cashy505StarksWeek
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Oh Twitter. I missed you today. Let's make up for lost time.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    mrbuster60stonedcoldlazyALF_from_TVepimetheuslyNowYouSeeHerdaniel_shawCrazzzyKenMichabean
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    stonedcoldlazyStarksWeekMichabeantkhan74KumarN16YouKnowPaoladestructiclewritersdream
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Suck it, Canadians. I just got a same-day doctor's appointment too PLUS I only have to pay $600 a month in insurance for the privilege. #USA

    • 33
    • FAVS
    daniel_shawMichabeanmrbuster60qwertyingAwk0TacooAdyacesTmoney68DumbConfessions
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    Beer4AGoodTimeTediousYouocourtneynoNatKingKoletonTweeterMediocreKrissNWevltwnHD1NateKofiStruck
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I want to drop kick people who sit on the same side of the booth/table at restaurants.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    pradogoddaniel_shawBYGHValAHalla1mrbuster60psinerdJuicedballsAwk0Tacoo
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    drerod93pradogodmrbuster60AdyacesStarksWeekgruffysocks______
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Searching for jobs online is like searching for porn. You're going to find very little of what you desire and a lot of it seems super shady.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    mrbuster60DarkerWillowALF_from_TVManvAlcoholdaniel_shawBYGHMorganlizbeth81psinerd
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    mrbuster60franCsaysrelaxStarksWeekchuckyhead3jlock17
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    I think I’ve spilled more tequila down my bra today than down my throat.

    Whatevs. I’m okay with it.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    mrbuster60LizNormallyfranCsaysrelaxALF_from_TVepimetheuslyAmerGigoloManvAlcoholStarksWeek
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    StarksWeekLalaHashinigoomontoyaJennynobleriGreenMonkitsEZ_E
  • RAAnonsense
      Rachel @RAAnonsense

    Last night a dude I followed live tweeted his acid trip. Tonight I've got a dude live tweeting his overdose.

    This place is fucking awesome.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    epimetheuslyManvAlcoholdaniel_shawpsinerdJuicedballsAwk0TacooSonofConwayAdyaces
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    StarksWeekAshleighMKayRadBadgerQueefSandwich
@RAAnonsense

@RAAnonsense

I call myself a writer because have a blog. I can dance and kick really fast. I do stuff with animals for money. http://instagram.com/raanonsense