Isn't it odd everyone assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is soap? I fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

Follow @buddywhackit damn it.

@fortweet_sake @ray12a I sure am enjoying your misery AND delivery

@stellartwot Theres something about maarrrry #piratemovies

@isambardbrunell you are so damn lucky to have @rexeisenberg as your mistress with that whole blumpkin fetish of hers!

"Just think of my cum as a little souvenir from my vacation in your asshole." ~ boyfriend to @rexeisenberg

Lol @rexeisenberg said the same thing the other day RT @yankeeinpink: Hate havin a stuffy nose. Makes suckin dick damn near impossible.

@rexeisenberg bent over table, pants at ankles, says "holy shit that gerbil has HUGE teeth! Are you sure this is safe? "

..screaming ensues

Tweet tweet tweet, suck my teet, give me something good to tweet. If you do, best prepair, for I will squirt in your hair

@nostradamnisuck this is one of those times you think you are right, but you are wrong! Jackass.

RT @getoffendedcom: Who do I gotta blow to get a rim job around here?