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this salad has everything. lettuce, spinach, leaves, twigs, eggs, branches, a mean bird pecking at me, ranch dressing
sext: i kiss ur mouth + touch ur boobs alot. i reach in ur underware and feel ur pussey. its gross and wet. ew did you pee or something lol
I found obama's secret gay agenda. *its a pocket planner covered in pink stickers. He penciled in appointments such as "kiss a cute boy"*
SON, for the last time, GET IN THE DAMN CAR. Turn that anime machine off or YOUR Final Fantasy will be a dad that doesn't beat your gay ass.
A cool guy is smokeing weed in a thunderstorm. A lightening bolt strikes the end of his joint and he gets hella high
Face down ass up, thats the way I pick up stuff
A wallet chain is a good way to protect yourself from pickpockets because it lets them know you already spent all your cash on disturbed CDs
Good Cop / Sad Cop. One cop is really nice to you but the other is crying uncontrollably because you killed that family just admit it
I bring a girl back to my house. We are kissing as we enter my room. My bed is a sweet racecar bed. Man my bed is cool. We fuck forever
MAN THIS CLUB IS CRAZY. LIKE REALLY CRAZY FOR REAL. THERES A BANSHEE SCREAMING OVER THERE AND I THINK SOMEONE JUST THREW A JELLYFISH
yr finally about to have sex with the girl of yr dreams. you reach for a condom - no wait - you reach for your phone and tweet "hi haters"
Your Honor, I plead the FISH! *I pull tuna out of my pockets and throw it around. The jury is cats they eat all the tuna and set me free*
#SignsSheWantsTheD She didn't try very hard on her assignment and she didn't even answer half the questions. She deserves the D
I dont want no shrub, shrub is a bush who cant get no love from me. Planted on the lefthand side of my neighbors drive, tryin 2 grow a leaf
No one texts like gaston, no one sexts like gaston, no one dms you pics of their breasts like gaston.
i get sexually horney when i see a tity. aw man my sex penis feels funy i just want to stick it in stuff. pudding. butts. other soft things
I Cried When Sonic and Tails kissed
#replacebandnameswithbacon Sometimes I like to tuck my weiner between my legs and try to pee backwards through my buttcheeks
Just a corgi whom want to give u a pizza #naughtysquad #kawaiicorgis