If I nod off, you guys'll wake me, won't you? ....that's what the "nudge" option means, yes?

The worst part about being introduced to new people is the panic moment where I think "Pay attention! Pay attention!!!" and miss their name.

For having had a "morning" every single day of my life, I wonder why I still haven't built up a tolerance.

Spam of the day: "Regarding your resumé" We've determined you're good for this job! Please email us w/ your name & what country you live in.

Is it bad that EVERY time I hear the word "raging" I always think "hard-on"?

The people who scare me the most are the ones who come in all smiley with the intention of getting all yell-y.

Phone rings, caller ID just says "MCA"... I ask myself "Y?"

Apparently I'm wearing my "I give a sh!t" name-tag by accident again today.

As I observe the beautiful sunrise, colors blending into the horizon, I can't help but think to myself, "It really sucks being up so early."

Re: office supplies.... if you like it, then you've gotta put a string on it. No, seriously.... tie it down.

If you only read ONE of my tweets today - I sincerely hope you didn't pick this one.

Trying to figure out this "think before posting to Twitter" thing...

I'm not sure if it's just allergies - or if all the "stupid" is finally suffocating me.

It's astounding how few people look for the recycling symbol on their bottles/cans... as they walk past 2 recycling bins to trash them.

I see you there, lingering awkwardly like you want to start a conversation... Understand that my lack of eye-contact is intentional.

When Twitter's down, where the hell am I gonna complain about Twitter being down?!?!

I am Receptionist - the cold-call-salesperson's worst enemy!

Existential Oscars: "It's an honor just to be." #altoscars

Does this bored look on my face make me look bored?

Creeper is making a phone call at my end of the hallway. Just gave someone his credit card number. I should buy myself some earplugs w/ it.