So yeah, GTA III on the iPad 2 pretty much owns. #GTAIII

In dog-walking related news: I live in the kind of neighbourhood were you walk your dog while drinking a can of super-strength lager. Classy

2013 - I am in you.

Listening Marilyn Manson’s Portrait of an American Family. Am I too old to go back to wearing eyeliner & nail varnish? #goff

While I’m on the Hate Train: I fucking hate Daddy Long Legs. They serve no purpose whatsoever. They’re the Colin Farrell of the insect world

Said it before, politicians: All cunts, just different coloured ties. The end.

The Rio opening ceremony should be Sepultura performing the Roots album in its entirely. & all the athletes in huge fucking circle pit.

@neilturner83 @alibob_83 @colbangers I believe Mr @enzogambaro created a twibbon that is relevant to your interests. #PrayForGalaxyWoman

Keep Calm & Relax: The Album? THIS SHIT HAS GONE TOO FAR PEOPLE. PACK IT IN NOW, YEAH?

Twitter informs me that it's Steak & a Blowjob day. Of course, single sad-sacks like myself merely downgrade it to Pot Noodle & a wank day.

I've just looked at the trending topics for the UK.

Fuck. Me.

*facepalm*

#WeAreAllDoomed

"Will the girls still hanker, when they find out he's a wanker?" #TakeMeOut

@realkingregal Could I get a plug for @boltonbulls please? (http://t.co/yNICEVgW) a wheelchair basketball club that relies on donations. Thx

..it's annoying because this is hardly the first time I've had to endure such bullshit. And as far as I'm aware I haven't been fucking cured

Apparently being born with a disability isn't good enough for this government. Now I have to be prodded at by morons to prove I'm gimped....

If she's used to "honest work" why is she trying to win a gameshow? Just sayin' #apprentice

@chesha yup medium, cheers. And any one out of Boozer/Noah/Deng would be awesome. But whatever you can lay your hands on. S'all good.

@abbie_on_wheels because it makes fellatio easier? #CouldntResistCheapJoke

Got the oddest wrong number call on my landline today. They tried to convince me that they had the right number & I had the wrong house.

Megson Country: Lovely gardens, sour grapes. #NoTigerbloodInMegsonCountry