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I hope the guy shading the sun from his eyes with his hand while his visor's on backward, is never in charge of anything important.
When I'm on a first date, I like to leave my gas cap hanging off,when people start blowing & pointing,I wave back like Im all famous & stuff
Just a man, sipping on a Sam's Cola, trying to electrical tape his last cigarette together, wondering where it all went wrong
I wonder if Chinese people have a great big spoon stashed somewhere for when they're really hungry and no one's looking.
Easily the best looking guy in the laundramat right now.
How do I let this clingy new shower liner know that I'm not ready for a physical relationship.
Sometimes there's no getting around going to Walmart, you can only hope to stay out of the pictures
No I don't have a twitter crush, you think I want my phone keyed?
When are they gonna finally make a bottled water that tastes like it came out of a hose.
I hate when I can't decide what to melt cheese on for lunch.
I never talk to the guy wearing the Bluetooth earpiece in case he's still on the line with the President
People from the south speak slowly until it's time to auction something.
I know there are no mice in here because I don't see any of those gothic arched little doorways on the baseboards for them to gain entry.
I see your backhanded compliment and I'll raise you a "you look good with that little extra weight"
No matter what you do, you'll never be as old school as the guy who uses a handkerchief.
If you wear your camouflage in public, I'm gonna pretend it's working, and cut in front of you every time.
No, I can't make it to your gathering tonight, I'm expecting an Adobe Update any time now. Sorry.
If you do what I do, buy all your clothes in earth tones, you'll never have to separate your laundry again or go on dates.
It's all fun and games until your friends find Britney Spears' "Toxic" on your iPod shuffle.
A beautiful woman and I just shared a glance at a red light. She took off really fast 2 make sure I got her plate # so that I could call her
I never talk to the guy with the bluetooth earpiece, just in case he's still on the line with the president.