Catch an STD. RT @beigebunnie: Get shot. RT @__otis__ Delta always sending me cheap flights to Baltimore... Whats to do there?

@racisttom married to a black woman I bet.

yes yes, I know you want to make all the smoothies on earth, but 60 lbs is a lot of ice. Let it go, boo.

RT @slurpmyjuices Can I have sex with you? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.

It's sad when the image a person has of themselves and the person they actually are, are WORLDS apart.

Son..no lie, this dude @bb_brooks just became my favorite dude on Twitter because of @thearondo. I'm dying over here.

So you say. RT @bjmendelson Porn is something you watch in your room. Not on a 60" flat screen in the family room.

@true2me1 @angryblkmandc last time I was in Barry Farms it was to help clean up the community center, and we were shot at...on a Sat morning

Case in point @metroadlib --> RT @bobbyjcomedy: I should go steal all my Baby Mama's Earring backs.. Better use some Erasers Bitch!

RT @funnyoneliners: Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.

If a person always feels superior to the crowds they're in and around, I have to wonder why they continue to associate with the same people.

Your birth date gives you no more special abilities than the backseat of whatever car you happened to have been conceived in. #ZodiacFacts

I'm all about a person's flaws. They give you greater insight.

I still keep the picture of Cuansharee and I riding atop an elephant at the zoo. Sentimentality, I suppose. Before innocence was lost.

I looked her up when I was last home. Cuansharee had a "X days until we're married" webpage up. I can only imagine what she's like in bed.

It was goodbye, Cuansharee Palmer. I have to ignore you now. Luckily for me, we moved soon after, my parents never knowing what happened.

I mean...at 4 years old...do you really want to kiss the girl you just peed on? Who ASKED YOU to pee on her?

I...I did. I, a confused 4 year old boy, peed on the love of my life in my backyard. We were never the same afterwards.

But there she was, the 4 year old girl I loved most in the world, the girl I first kissed, on her knees asking me to pee on her.

I was confused. I wasn't sure if this was a thing that people did. I don't think my dad ever peed on my mom.