I've been robbed!

My draft folder, or as I call it "the place my jokes go to die," is now empty.

Looks like I'm stealing tweets today.

@jamsleythegreat Sadly for you, i am still alive. With bitches, hoe's and a gallon of PCP ..I forget about technology. And twitter.

Christ, I take a few pills and I wake up three weeks later and I've gained 67 followers and lost 200.

Drugs ruin lives.

:(

@jamsleythegreat Ew. That's offensive. Ugh. The air is ripe with filth.

I'm pretty good at pissing off my boyfriend. A special skill that god himself blessed me with.

@jamsleythegreat now you sound like my dad. Come to think of it, you kind of look like him too. You weren't a milk man in 86, were you?

I just watched my neighbor step out of her house, slip in the snow, fall face first down the steps then get up & look around.

Little gifts

After following this bus, I've decided to start carrying a gun. Next to the liquor and the drugs.

I call my purse my felony bag now, btw.

Remember when we listened to Nickelback and played on MySpace?

Scary times.

50 shades of gray?

Fuck.

50 shades of lies!

Handcuffs suck!

After today's events I've decided that I'm getting knuckle tatts.

@offsidebastard @23_lies, you are too.

Misery loves company, bitches.

If you piss your woman off, just pull out your dick then tuck it between your legs.

Works every time.


-my 19yro brother giving advice.

"I'm not afraid of you" I yelled as I took his beer and drank it.

My day has pretty much went down hill from there.

Me- oh, hey. *waves*
Neighbor that has no idea why I'm in his kitchen or eating his food or drinking his Mt. Dew- .....
M-...*opens fridge*

@jamsleythegreat that's the foulest thing anyone has ever said to me. I literally have nothing to say back to this.



Fuuuck.

Hey people that have 10k followers& follow 200, how does that look on a job application?
Get lots of ass for being such a douche?
No? Weird.

Nobody actually eats their chocolate like that, Dove commercials.
I'm lucky if I get it out of the foil before it's in my mouth.

I'm taking a nap.

Translation-

husbands at work, boyfriends busy, no friends and I'm broke so no bar.

Glad we had this talk.

I don't even know what the fuck I'm trying to say here. You're wrong and I'm right. Also, we're not having sex again. Ever.

-married women

There are some of the most vulgar morally reprehensible disgusting people on here & to be perfectly honest, I can't hit follow quick enough.