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I've been robbed!
My draft folder, or as I call it "the place my jokes go to die," is now empty.
Looks like I'm stealing tweets today.
Christ, I take a few pills and I wake up three weeks later and I've gained 67 followers and lost 200.
Drugs ruin lives.
I'm pretty good at pissing off my boyfriend. A special skill that god himself blessed me with.
I just watched my neighbor step out of her house, slip in the snow, fall face first down the steps then get up & look around.
After following this bus, I've decided to start carrying a gun. Next to the liquor and the drugs.
I call my purse my felony bag now, btw.
Remember when we listened to Nickelback and played on MySpace?
50 shades of gray?
50 shades of lies!
If you piss your woman off, just pull out your dick then tuck it between your legs.
Works every time.
-my 19yro brother giving advice.
"I'm not afraid of you" I yelled as I took his beer and drank it.
My day has pretty much went down hill from there.
Me- oh, hey. *waves*
Neighbor that has no idea why I'm in his kitchen or eating his food or drinking his Mt. Dew- .....
Hey people that have 10k followers& follow 200, how does that look on a job application?
Get lots of ass for being such a douche?
Nobody actually eats their chocolate like that, Dove commercials.
I'm lucky if I get it out of the foil before it's in my mouth.
I'm taking a nap.
husbands at work, boyfriends busy, no friends and I'm broke so no bar.
Glad we had this talk.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm trying to say here. You're wrong and I'm right. Also, we're not having sex again. Ever.
There are some of the most vulgar morally reprehensible disgusting people on here & to be perfectly honest, I can't hit follow quick enough.
I'm not really all that great. Inventor of Gladiator Earth Worms, and I once eye fucked a landscaper.