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Congratulations, Amy Winehouse. 4 days sober and counting.
The people who thought the world was flat were more accurate cartographers than Apple Maps.
Seriously. How does EVERY homeless person have a piece of cardboard AND a sharpie?
No matter what shit has gone down in your life, you're reading this. You're alive. You still win. Now kick life's ass proper.
If I have friends dat txt mi like dis n sht, I can put bi-lingual and advanced translation skills on my resume, right?
"Have you seen Django?"
"The wood block game?"
"The movie with the lizard in a cowboy hat?"
The MadLibs creator died. I guess he pooped his pooping poop too poop poop wiener poop.
I'm actually fine with SOPA, if it means I get to volunteer to be a Tribute soon for my District. The odds are ever in my favor.
News flash: 99% of your Instagram pictures are so shitty that you are in no danger of them being used for anything.
A commercial just aired for a Words With Friends board game version. Scrabble. It's fucking Scrabble.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
Doesn't matter which one you're a fan of. KU, KSU and Wichita State are all ranked. THAT is fucking awesome.
If my support of gay marriage bothers you, you should know that I also support your inalienable right to fuck off and swallow a knife.
20 children are dead and everybody is turning it into their own political agenda. Everybody shut the fuck up and have some respect.
It's great that you sponsor March Madness AT&T, but if you could sponsor "Reliable Fucking Internet", that'd be great too.
I returned my Xoom today; it didn't turn into a spaceship when I picked it up. Piece of shit.
Nice guys finish last. Thank God I'm an asshole. @jesskapowers is my better, hotter half.