Ive got mood poisoning- must have been something I hate.

Trust me. It will only seem kinky the first time.

I didn't text you.


Vodka did.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable?




Like a coma.

I love duct tape.


It turns " no no no " into "mmmm mmmm mmmm."

Works like a charm. Every time.

I do this thing called whatever I want.

I am not moody. I just have days where I'm less inclined to put up with your shit.

You have questionable morals, say fuck a lot, and like vodka.. You are everything I ever wanted in a friend.

Are you a side effect of my medication?

Once upon a time,



Fuck you.


The End.

My spirit animal likes it in the ass.

Sure ....I'll call u daddy. But only if u make me.

It's Twitter. I'll say what the fuck I want to.

Let's play dentist. I want you to drill me.

Did retweeting start costing money? Stingy ass mother fuckers. Fuck you.

I've always needed the perfect partner in crime. Not just a sidekick, an equal perfection.

A woman can do anything by herself but a real man won't let her.

Blow jobs and sex. Good way to speed up your metabolism. Who needs fuckin Zumba bitches!!

Don't flatter yourself, Dear. We're all "special" to him.

Please stop thinking of me while your fuckin her.