Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Whenever someone with a bumper sticker cuts me off I automatically dislike the cause they support. Right now I'm not too fond of Literacy
I just told my wife to use her inside voice. Mistake, big mistake
I think trying to line up the cursor on my iPhone to edit a tweet is exactly like the stress doctors feel performing open heart surgery
Sometimes I wonder what you all do for a living. Then I realize if I knew,I would never go to a hospital, send my kids to school, eat out...
Stop complaining kids, I have to wear the stupid clothes mom picks out too
If my 3 yr old goes up to you, waves & says hi, just wave back. That way I don't have to rip your arm out of its socket & do it for you
“Daddy, what dinosaur is stronger than T-Rex?” Me (dancing) “The Funkasaurus”. In case you wanted to know when I became uncool to my kids
I now realize that my mom did not actually have eyes in the back of her head. She just did as I do, randomly yell out "stop it" every 30 min
Sometimes I just sit and look at my kids and think "God, please don't let me mess them up too badly"
If I ever go missing, just follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I try to hide!
It's exhausting being the favorite parent
Went to the gym for the first time in a week. I think the most intense part of my workout was untangling my headphones
"Daddy, I want to watch Dora." Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets
Had to take my sons toys from him & play with them myself. Sorry, but there's no way a Triceratops beats a T-Rex in a fight. Now stop crying
"Daddy, open your eyes". No Daddys tired. "I have a secret". Fine, What? "I love you Daddy, I'll rub your back till you sleep" *heart melts*
Adore. Lose patience. Feel guilty. Repeat. - Parenting
Wife to 4yr old son: "Stop grabbing your pee-pee". Me: "Yeah, good luck with that"
Damn! Why couldn't that have been Lori's stomach instead of Herschel's leg? #TheWalkingDead
Tried to use the force but evidently they were the droids they were looking for. Daddy to twins +1 http://favstar.fm/users/RealDMK