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fell off my bed when the cat surprised me by existing. have only lived with it for 3 years so obviously forgot about it. ow.
sorry for the lack of friday stories recently, it's taken me 18 days to draft this tweet. time for a nap.
10 O'Clock Live preview: some bits are funny, if you like that kind of thing
I think my social awkwardness is all that has saved me from becoming a paedophile