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  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    A couple approaches on the beach. He calls her "Allison." I write, "Marry me, Allison," in the sand and hide. And now we wait.

    • 2,443
    • FAVS
    scenesfromahatDarkerWillowT_BonezzzTedBundybitchbreinah10HamAndVomitthetexashoneyCristanBBailey
    • 1,565
    • RETWEETS
    DarkerWillowbreinah10edyjfalconthetexashoneyCristanBBaileyChristaFalkDaydaMoNeYMarkAFuqua_Hunt
    TheDailySchmuckcynicuhlMrTurstMikeCanRantWeissBrandon______awesomeseankMichael_Maybe23_LiesLoyalTrophiesPoliticallyILL1BruppFWTXadamtrossgolfcixelsidgod______
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    He wants a lady in the TL and a freak in the DMs.

    • 1,607
    • FAVS
    T_BonezzzHamAndVomitbourgeoisalienBeerhazeBA_JellyPhilSchaefferGeauxSaints79calluptome
    • 712
    • RETWEETS
    bourgeoisalienDonQuickoatsPhilSchaefferGeauxSaints79LLliiquidMmagma__junkyard_jakelovemydogduckUhhdorkable
    treydayway__UrbanDouchebagBruppFWTXfromthechi________PoliticallyILL1BlueRobotDesign
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem disses himself so the other guy has nothing to rap about? That's basically my only plan in life.

    • 1,339
    • FAVS
    T_BonezzznowarrantyImTheSheriffbourgeoisalienWalkingCivilWarsokyshipn_Knothead_powerpuss_
    • 642
    • RETWEETS
    JessiCanadianExplict_Funaelizabethb1bourgeoisalienWalkingCivilWarsokyshipn_Knothead_TedBundybitch
    VikeeysSecretCuddleYourCatBudders88iam_timJuan_GolbezzeshruglordA_SmartAssMissItAintMe______XoMiSsYoX
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    I don't know why they call them comforters. This blanket doesn't care about my problems AT ALL.

    • 1,134
    • FAVS
    gizzydebbiebourgeoisalienThe_MarcnessBA_JellyDonQuickoats24k_mexDosieDoesadb0ycakes
    • 511
    • RETWEETS
    gizzydebbiebourgeoisalienBA_Jelly24k_mexPretzelNYsadb0ycakesshopkins776junkyard_jake
    cynicuhlmaybestef________see_more13NoorShammaBruppFWTXPanettaSexyTimeGobshite_
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    An ugly heart or a closed mind will ruin even the hottest face and body.

    • 996
    • FAVS
    gizzydebbiebeersudsbourgeoisalien24k_mexmjkspeaksjunkyard_jakeJuney1981LorieGZ
    • 418
    • RETWEETS
    _lekishongizzydebbiebourgeoisalienmjkspeakslovemydogduckDontTouchMyWinehirojesussoulindivision
    inconsequentia2datahound2u
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    Steps for getting over a break-up:
    1. Meet with your lover "for old times' sake."
    2. Tie them up for kinky sex play.
    3. Leave them to die.

    • 959
    • FAVS
    VerifiedDrunkDrDweezillovemydogduckLorieGZNotPeterStark__TySmithdrumsDeurb1Mr_Kapowski
    • 403
    • RETWEETS
    PretzelNYlovemydogduckhirojesusDeurb1RickyScamp__Mr_KapowskiScott_A_GilmoreJenny4ashley
    HeyZeus666N60220638cynicuhlRandomlyMJ
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    True love is dropping half of a sandwich on the floor without anyone seeing, and giving your significant other the clean half.

    • 1,290
    • FAVS
    bourgeoisalienDonQuickoatstricyclerunawaySincerelyAmusedGeauxSaints79bustedshnozjunkyard_jakeDrDweezil
    • 391
    • RETWEETS
    bourgeoisalienDonQuickoatsSincerelyAmused24k_mexbustedshnozlovemydogduckKentWGrahamvexroid
    A_SmartAssLicoriceNipples______SoapyJohnsonTinkerbell_fastmofobansheeTimUhl
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    So glad I'm not bi. It would suck to be rejected by twice as many people.

    • 1,265
    • FAVS
    bourgeoisalienBA_JellySpDiMaioDonQuickoatsAbTak19LilpfromtheburgGeauxSaints79DosieDoe
    • 385
    • RETWEETS
    tommilammabourgeoisalienBA_JellyWWEFanDevonFoxDonQuickoatsAbTak19GeauxSaints79PretzelNY
    DurtMcHurttSpideroger
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    My phone just auto-corrected "cunt" to "Cynthia" twice. So we've been warned: Cynthias are probably cunts.

    • 1,344
    • FAVS
    bourgeoisalienBA_Jellycindylouwho7622TortillaNaziDonQuickoatsBuzzthoughtlemmywinklerBmadjanovich
    • 368
    • RETWEETS
    bourgeoisalienBA_JellyDonQuickoats24k_mexBmadjanovichGreGooglyMooglyCurly_gurl135GeauxSaints79
    chrisanna4realGuiltlessNickcerdo____________
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    "Yeah. I wanna rub my clot while you duck me. I live that, baby." -Autocorrect sext

    • 849
    • FAVS
    24k_mexDosieDoeEvileSkullshopkins776DrDweezilktoabWhoTheHeckIsMegNotPeterStark__
    • 315
    • RETWEETS
    24k_mexconsumerfumershopkins776ktoabFlashyTaserhirojesuscoolandbreezeyDeurb1
    TheD_BagJarVoiceofgarthTheChrimsonKing
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    Not telling me something because you "didn't want to piss me off" is probably the best way to piss me off.

    • 775
    • FAVS
    charliedelta7Traceykemp8ericsshadowNikkiRuiz_ninjamoose101Armymatt22Deurb124k_mex
    • 288
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7l1f3ruinerSarNobzItsCiCiNicholeArmymatt22Deurb124k_mexbustedshnoz
    cixelsidgod______SepIsDead__
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    Don't worry; no matter how low you feel, your last shred of dignity always remains. Unless you've fucked someone who wears Crocs.

    • 812
    • FAVS
    charliedelta7berger2323Beerhazebustedshnozjunkyard_jakeDrDweezilElectfroTinaMH79
    • 239
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7bustedshnozjunkyard_jakeDouchekevinScott_A_GilmoreRaoul_Duke_71I_SEE_THRU_YOU__DesignerCunt
    MrNoLaughsDanTheSnick__meat_tornado_djr_102
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    What if the dick's so good you actually enjoy sucking it? Can you still even call it a blow job? Maybe blow hobby? Blow privilege? Blow joy?

    • 589
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    charliedelta7The_MartiniGirlMrTallPaul1Dishy2101theninjuhxJLynnEaton_Beaverthemissinglinc
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7MrTallPaul1theninjuhxJLynnEaton_BeaverMiss_Firefly_LeprechaunShittsainttoad
    Torriable
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    These aren't stretch marks. They're scars from when I lost battles against cake.

    • 399
    • FAVS
    imadepoopstodayDilemmaEmmaEmmaSSparklesDailyBonesHerdshack8BambamVictoriaLoveNLunchmeatIsisIrisimawake
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    Bia_2468So_SoCaLBonesHerLoveNLunchmeatExitThaWarriorKatDebVansassythethinkerAwk0Tacoo
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    The cool thing about camping is that you don't need to do it if you have a perfectly good house to live in.

    • 724
    • FAVS
    charliedelta7Beerhazebustedshnozjunkyard_jakeElectfrospekulationDouchekevinilluminatedwndr
    • 208
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7bustedshnozspekulationDouchekevinAussieMuzmafrazier15Scott_A_Gilmorejumpdashark
    HeyZeusTx________
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    When a guy stops DMing me because he found someone prettier, I just tell myself that he was a serial killer, and that I escaped death.

    • 789
    • FAVS
    punmagnatecharliedelta7Beerhazebustedshnozjunkyard_jakeElectfroDouchekevinLorieGZ
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7DouchekevinMr_Kapowskijumpdashark99bananas_duhscottthetwat______Raoul_Duke_71mixednutz35______
    obi7k3nobi________
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    People probably think I'm trying to clean my phone's screen if they catch me licking it in public, but really, I just like some of your avis

    • 916
    • FAVS
    ericsshadowsaleprviArmymatt22chesterscottyDeurb1TeeJayRushZeroFilterDarzWoz8005
    • 173
    • RETWEETS
    illtakeawalkkrispycremexoxochesterscottyDeurb1TeeJayRushshopkins776Scott_A_GilmoreI_SEE_THRU_YOU__
    RyenInTheMoinesDukeOfOyl________
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    I'm really shitty at deciphering inflection in tweets, so if I starred your suicide note, I probably thought you were being sarcastic. Oops.

    • 749
    • FAVS
    charliedelta7berger2323bustedshnozDrDweezilDouchekevinilluminatedwndrmarrusya6vexroid
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7DouchekevinvexroidMr_KapowskiScott_A_Gilmorescottthetwat______CountMackulaSwift_idiot
    peckishlyPretzelNY
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    If you're proud of your life and the way you're living it, don't ever let anyone else make you feel ashamed about it. It's YOUR life.

    • 560
    • FAVS
    Skullcatcharliedelta7LorieGZNotPeterStark__JimboleemMr_KapowskiScott_A_GilmoreRadOrDie__
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7Swift_idiotkiebiMBittersweet25Whateverfitsme____SmartticismsblackjadebeautySimplyEffortful
    SupportPets_DashGoff__________
  • RealPrincessKim
      Princess Kim @RealPrincessKim

    Just think, if girls making the duck face in pictures would just purse their lips a little bit tighter, we could call it "the asshole face."

    • 529
    • FAVS
    charliedelta7BeerhazebustedshnozNotPeterStark__JimboleemMobyTitsMr_KapowskiScott_A_Gilmore
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_KapowskiperhapssomedayawordforawordTeahUngererSwift_idiotducksbacktookv8kiebi
    ExcuseMeMandi

Princess Kim’s Best Tweets (By Retweets)

@RealPrincessKim

@RealPrincessKim

Legally and officially Princess Kim. My family and friends are my life.

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