I accept my GF is no longer a size 8 and now an 18. Wish her aunts would as well, instead of all these digs and bitchy comments and remarks

I think I just got old! Fancied a bath and cup of tea instead of more beer :/

@clare_innit Remember that for every CuntTroll giving you hate, there's at least five people like me that think you're wonderful x

@audaciousfox Loving your naughty little tweets :)

And my early night failed last night as "The English Patient" was on until 2am. That film kills me every time, but I do love it.

@lauradoon Facebook was cool for a few months before the MySpace fucktards came over with their shit photos, games and chain letter shit

Think I offended other friends with offensive jokes as well. When you're this regretful/cringeworthy next morn, it's time to stop drinking

@_sweet_jamie Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great day x x

@_sweet_jamie Cool, you're in mine to now :)

“@_sweet_jamie: In my own personal experience , everyone born in August is awesome!”

I concur!!

How the mighty have fallen :''''(

@_scatty I'm waiting for Adult Shops to sell BDSM kits for 50 shades readers. Furry handcuffs, blindfold and fake leather cape.

Asked what OH was reading - 50 Shades of Grey. I chuckled and said about sex parts being 'Mumporn' and tame. Didn't go down well.

@hayzydayz here here! Bollocks to all the haters out there! I am going to raise a toast for the queen and have an AWESOME jubilee!!

I've got a low tolerance for alcohol these days. I could easily be taken advantage of by an unscrupulous person. Shame I don't know any :)

So, Blade Runner is a load of shit and just a meaningless film. So glad not everyone has the same opinion as my darling partner.

@_scatty A friends mum though LOL was "lots of love". She texted her daughter once saying: "Sorry honey, but your gran has died. LOL!"

I will never use gocompare on principle due to that fucking advert. Fuck you, Marketters!

@clare_innit hahahahahaha!! I love you :D

@missvodka_ka_ka OK, just let me brush my teeth first