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Dear Happy, Shiny, Engaged People: eventually your spouse's breathing habits will make you want to claw out your own eyes. Best wishes!
Learning Canadians riot was like learning there isn't
a Santa Claus.
An earthquake during a tornado watch. Suck it, California.
I just found my daughter, asleep, standing in front of her dollhouse. I'd send a picture, but I'm afraid you would all start dying...
I'm just throwing this out there, but if we all killed our guests at the same time, the cops *might* buy the "something in the water" story.
The GOP does not want government to feed kids healthy lunches, but does want government to monitor all pregnancies? #dearjohn #gopfail
Hey, Oklahoma Republicans: every time you deface my Obama 2012 bumper sticker, I'm buying 12 more. Bring it!
East Coast, if you pass on the opportunity to have earthquake sex & hurricane sex in the same week, you are letting America down.
Focusing only on the gun laws, & not on the lack of mental health care in this country is the cheap, easy conversation.
Night Twitter stars the things Day Twitter unfollows for, which makes me think Day Twitter isn't drinking enough.
Seriously, the things the GOP refuses to support with applause is stunning. And revealing. #SOTU
"English" to "Child" translation: If you say "Don't come in here, I broke a glass!" children will hear "Come running, preferably barefoot!"
The kids are wide awake because "Go to bed, Honey. It was only a baby earthquake during a tornado watch!" isn't part of my lexicon. Yet.
I would rather sit on a pumpkin, & have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion. -Thoreau