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Got problems? I'll solve em. I'll just hit that bitch with a bottle. I don't fight. I don't argue. I just hit that bitch with a bottle.
I spilled scented oil all over my hand while attempting to make the house stink pretty. It's like I've been fisting a gingerbread man.
What I'm doing: Traveling with crabs. Also: potential band name.
When & how *does* a parent go about the "these are MY sex toys & you are not to use them" talk? I'm asking for a friend.
Which is more embarrassing? Having your mom help you take your first dump in 9 days? Or her tweeting about it?
Today's confession: Sonic is my food baby daddy.
Pump vomited diesel all over my leg. I have no spare pants. Moral? Emergency Pants keep your legs from going up in flames.
I am parallel parked here. In a 40+ foot bus. And my fellow patrons cant park a standard sized car.
Weird dreams last night. Got pulled over a few times. Had to smack my drunk mom around. Pixies.
Step 1: take unopened toothbrush & tie long elastic to the 'hook'. Step 2: tie other end to coat tree. Step 3: watch ferret lose her mind.
OH: Well, at least guys never have to worry about trapped fart bubbles.....you know.....down *there*.
To advertise your salted nut roll is 'a good source of protein.....just makes it funnier & gives me the giggles.
OH at Kmart: But we're getting our own place soon. I can wear this with a thong.
Saturated highly stressed single mom, owned by 3 ferrets & drooling @ the thought of an empty house (3 more years!)