I enjoy a glass of red wine each nite for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks, sarcasm & flawless dance moves

Steven Tyler looks like he's slowly morphing into Helena Bonham Carter's ape character from the 2001 remake of Planet of the Apes

People really need to take ownership of their own actions & not put the blame on others. Stop looking for the easy way out

Just farted and my dog walked away looking at me in disgust. Dog...you lick your ass!

Apologies to anyone's toes I've stepped on. Whoa wait, this is twitter. Apology retracted fuckers

I follow you if I like your tweets, not b/c of your avi. I read the 1st few of them. If you peek my interest/make me laugh, I follow.

I've got to be the only guy who likes Abba, and admits it

I'm guarded and don't let many ppl into my life, but when I do it's for life

My sandbox, my rules. If you can't play nice you will be eliminated

I think I have a problem only a stalker could love

Then more you tailgate me the slower I'm going to drive just to piss you off #schoolzonespeedlimit

I follow all sorts of different people on twitter to continually entertain all my personalities.

Commando! Not me, the movie....

New avi....new attitude

Sure is quiet in here. If I shook my phone around would that wake you up a little?

FF @dichotomy_queen @pixseaprincess @waslightsocket @mskitty101 @feetadangling @itswrigley @its_just_m_ @girlwithaids @allaboutkelli

That moment where you made fun of someone and walked into a menu sign right after. Ya Me!

My sleep number is 6. Yours is 9. See what I did there? Night tweeps ;)

Let the weekend commence!

Pass on the poppy to respect all the soldiers who gave up their today, for our tomorrow R.I.P http://t.co/yRQrnhfA