"Dermot Mulroney! Ow! Dylan McDylan--DAMMIT!" - me, still trying to remember my safe word

@tceraulo You just saw Büsker Dü?

Can I still call them "boyfriend jeans" if he was my husband and we've been divorced for years and I only wear them when I binge-eat?

New to L.A., David Niven and Errol Flynn rented Rosalind Russell's house as a bachelor pad. She later named the house "Cirrhosis-by-the-Sea"

Your baked manifesto was delicious, Ted.

Don't forget to be polite to your pharmacist, kids!

So handy that this furniture polish includes a warning about ingesting it. I was about to spray way too much on my pasta.

I fell asleep chewing gum and woke up with it stuck to my hair, if anyone's looking for a babysitter.

I guess You Tube isn't going to let me forget I watched that thing that one time.

"SANJAAAAY!" - catchphrase from my new sitcom co-starring the hilarious Sanjay Gupta

Lying on my bathroom floor in the fetal position, paralyzed with fear. How long do I hold this yoga pose, Gwyneth?

@aimeemann It's so sad that @tedleo will never be able to get knuckle tattoos. #Fang #Flipper

DIAB ETIC #SaddestKnuckleTattoo

I just took a Japanese language placement test to see if I can join the Yakuza.

Whose turn is it to write a song for Rosanna Arquette?

What's the best way to remove marinara sauce from vertical blinds?

LOST a large umbrella, a smaller umbrella, a pair of tan mittens, one Yamaha flute, my passport and a Patriots helmet keychain. If found pl

My greatest fear is disappointing Jada Pinkett Smith during a game of Pictionary.

I left my spy kit on the bus. :(

.@warrenleighttv The Office finale by W. Leight: Jim's arrested for killing Pam as Dwight buries her on his beet farm. Creed evades the FBI.