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"Dermot Mulroney! Ow! Dylan McDylan--DAMMIT!" - me, still trying to remember my safe word
Can I still call them "boyfriend jeans" if he was my husband and we've been divorced for years and I only wear them when I binge-eat?
New to L.A., David Niven and Errol Flynn rented Rosalind Russell's house as a bachelor pad. She later named the house "Cirrhosis-by-the-Sea"
Your baked manifesto was delicious, Ted.
Don't forget to be polite to your pharmacist, kids!
So handy that this furniture polish includes a warning about ingesting it. I was about to spray way too much on my pasta.
I fell asleep chewing gum and woke up with it stuck to my hair, if anyone's looking for a babysitter.
I guess You Tube isn't going to let me forget I watched that thing that one time.
"SANJAAAAY!" - catchphrase from my new sitcom co-starring the hilarious Sanjay Gupta
Lying on my bathroom floor in the fetal position, paralyzed with fear. How long do I hold this yoga pose, Gwyneth?
I just took a Japanese language placement test to see if I can join the Yakuza.
Whose turn is it to write a song for Rosanna Arquette?
What's the best way to remove marinara sauce from vertical blinds?
LOST a large umbrella, a smaller umbrella, a pair of tan mittens, one Yamaha flute, my passport and a Patriots helmet keychain. If found pl
My greatest fear is disappointing Jada Pinkett Smith during a game of Pictionary.
I left my spy kit on the bus. :(