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Him: Your Vulgarity makes you unattractive
Me: I wasn't trying to attract you, you fucking shit face sloth looking bitch ass mother fucker.
I just ordered a cheesecake and ask for whip cream. Waitress asked "on the cheesecake?"
I seductively said "No, on my nipples, please"
My husband said "Good morning " and that's how the fight started.
Twitter should come with a warning label: Understand Twitter before you share your handle with your real life friends.
Twitter is actually perfect for me since I'm all talk and no action.
I wonder if black ants and red ants have beef. I never see them chilling together. Ever.
Who keeps tricks up their sleeves? I keep mine in my pants.
The best way to a man's heart:
Let him cum any.where.he.wants.
I can't remember. My short term memory is fucked. But ask me again in a couple months cuz my long term memory is the shit!
Im not straight out of Compton but I will stab a bitch
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
At 34, I appreciate being hit on even if it was by a cow.
A real cow. Not a fat guy, that's just nasty.
Can you add my vagina to your "To Do List"?
Guy at the gas station has a Bandana wrapped around his head. Is this my cue to shout out my area code & show my dominance?
I'm gonna shove a cherry up my vagina and be a virgin for Halloween.
Oh, yes, please toy with my emotions. There's always room in the "I'm not fucked up enough already" chamber of my heart.
i want to hold your hand, lead you to the window, then push you out.
When I can't figure out what to wear to work, I sit on the edge of the bed and cry.
Because I HATE BEING A FUCKING ADULT!
Sitting here playing airdrums minding my own fucking business when my boss interrupts & tells me to get to work. I dont get it, I'm at work!
if you're not a bowl, joint, blunt, bong or penis, I have no idea how to suck you.
I sleep in my clothes because I'm always too high to take them off =/ IG: Vees_Loves