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Here's why signing in is good for you.
To keep my credit card number safe from online hackers I just keep it maxed-out.
because of tough financial times we are extending the 5 Second rule to 45 minutes.
this is my 1,000th tweet, officially making it the most time i've ever invested in anything that wouldn't get me laid.
sometimes I just rub the ground coffee directly on my gums to save time.
What most people can accomplish in a day I can easily accomplish in a week.
The best part about being friends with a homeless person is knowing you'll never have to help them move on a Saturday.
on Sunday afternoon i like to go door to door & hand out literature on evolution.
I wish the first rule of Religion was the same as the first rule of Fight Club.
in the future a popular game at nursing homes will be Guess that Tattoo.
the only way this day could be worse is if Nicolas Cage was narrating it.
Jägerbombs taste like unplanned pregnancy with a shot of dentist appointment.
in high school I was voted most likely to forget your name...
