RT @jeffreysmiles: If dogs ran twitter all you'd have to do is post "I'm home" to get 100+ retweets

@lakerfan_ludzd @earth_pics in the fields our ancestors worked so we could kiss white people ass today in style.

"Its not proper English to say you 'break' inside of a girl. You 'BURST'...cause its a volume." - my coworkers discussing linguistics.

Good news, Ryan! RT @kapet18: "@uberfacts: Men can get rid of an erection by sitting down and flexing their thigh muscles repeatedly."

Why Uberfacts is bullshit of the highest order--->RT @mslenoraa: RT @uberfacts: The average human body is worth about $160.

*ahem* this was a paid service announcement.

I must be 1/16th stoosh.

@le_boobie you badass.

@sativamarley @le_boobie like the back of my fappin' hand

@tenderlovin RT @kkalthani: If a cop catches breaking the law, quickly yell "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST" which will ...  http://m.tmi.me/VNkny 

I'm dying RT @le_boobie: #ChristianMingleUsernames You_Want_Psalm_Dick

"Aa! I can win a trip to LIAT??" - wow mate must really be excited about planes.

HAAA!! RT @pimpbillclinton: I'm not the kind of bill that comes in the mail. I'm the kind of Bill that comes in the female. #pimphandstrong

SO now that I'm home...zob game or watch anime? I actually have nothing constructive to do tonight :)

Go to Super J: Buy many condoms. |...Later...| Coincidentally return to Super J with two girls: Avoid previous cashier.

Because fuck magnetism. RT @psychtoday: Opposites may attract, but long-lasting couples usually share similarities:  http://ow.ly/eH7zG 

@halfyute @hornyfacts REUPHOLSTER DAT PUSSY

Lololol RT @dnicelucian: #ASS #ASS #ASS RT @uberfacts: The word "bacon" comes from a German word for "buttock."

Lmao RT @bornferal: I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO TAKE IT BECAUSE NO ONE EVER TAUGHT ME HOW TO PROPERLY EXPRESS DISCOMFORT

Adventure Time is so delightfully disturbing ^_^