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I could never be a pedophile because children are really, really annoying.
I never take pills to get up in the morning or to go to bed at night...
....It's that middle part...
Karma Sutra: when fate decides to fuck you in all sorts of creative ways...
Every lie speaks the utmost truth.
I'm not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
Getting good and drunk tonight so I can look and feel my best Monday morning.
There are two types of people in the world. People who understand and appreciate my sarcasm. And fucking morons.
I think I just shit an elf.
If not for America you'd all be listening to baroque piano concertos or opera. You're welcome.
I told you I would fix it. There's no need to keep nagging me every 3 months about it.
"Seriously. I don't care. Make a fucking decision." ~Men, to women, about everything
Well, this self-loathing isn't going to drink itself into unconsciousness.
You deplete me.
Listen, unless you lived thru TV ending at 1am, & black & white video games, I don't wanna hear a fucking word about how bored you are.
Business idea: A bar called the Old Glory Hole for gay U.S. war veterans.
"I'm praying for you" = "I'm judging you but I'm too hypocritical to admit it."
The next time you're about to use the phrase, "it is what it is," how about you just shut the fuck up?
Freedom is another word for not giving a fuck about how many followers you have.
Oh, come on. Put your hurt feelings away. This is twitter, not the Facebook page for your mother's vagina.
New Bjork CD to be released soon. Early reviews all call it magnificent. And all those reviewers are dolphins.