Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.
BREAKING: Following NRA's path, alcohol industry now blaming drunk driving on "too much Mario Kart"
I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American.
Guys, stop "friending" me: Twitter is for people I like but don't know. Facebook is for people I know but don't like.
The debate so far:
Paul Ryan: "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"
Joe Biden: "Hah! This little nerd is funny!"
Mitt Romney says he defines "middle-income" as people who make $200,000 to $250,000 a year.
I think I just turned into a hobo.
Fox News: Was the shooter frustrated by the Obamacare Web site?
MSNBC: Was the shooter with the tea party?
CNN: Shooting? Where?
BE CAREFUL IN MOSCOW, EDWARD SNOWDEN, SARAH PALIN WILL BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR EVERY MOVE FROM HER BACKYARD!!
Fox News: Online Obamacare sign-up site seems "glitchy," so our experts say it's easier to just not have health care and die.
I wish lawmakers would start telling me what to do with my penis. Really confused. Women are *so* lucky.
A friend told a good joke. Unable to star him, I gave him a hug. It was awkward.
Twitter is turning me into a weirdo.
Told my wife I'm not paying our bills until she cancels our health care and meets a list of unrealistic demands.
FOX NEWS: BOOOOO!
CNN: Anyone know what time this Supreme Court thingy is happening?
Fox News Poll:
Reason for government shutdown?
70% - Muslim President
27% - THOSE people
12% - not enough guns
5% - ex-wife
2% - UFOs
When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out."
Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
Frankly, I'm starting to feel a little self-conscious about the fact that I've never been punched by Chris Brown.
BREAKING: Sarah Palin confirms she can see Chechnya from her back yard, is keeping an eye on it
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Ladies, please keep it down a bit, a large group of white men are in Washington trying to sort out your birth control.
Fox News: Barack Obama sworn in as America's first-ever two-term Kenyan socialist secret-Muslim dictato-presi-king gun-taker
(VERY SERIOUS) humor columnist (syndicated). Narwhal lover. Hypocrisy enthusiast.