@chessmartinez @isysuttie @josielong @robinince I worked out the ratio of men to women on panel shows. Take a look: http://t.co/e9j5oYBx

Mike D gives the eulogy at his dad's funeral. Adrock and MCA quietly repeat the last word of every sentence. He was a good man (man).

@josielong These campaign posters are going up all over Britain this week. http://t.co/rs1kmlMz

I've already forgotten Matt Rombley's name. #election12

#Thatcher isn't dead but we can all sleep well knowing she's probably sat on a floor in her nightie smearing her own faeces into her hair.

@othersome what if you went into a pet shop, bought an iguana and then immediately ate it in front of them? Who's brave enough to find out?

@weedhitler http://t.co/FPpDMwij look at this please

"I'M ABOUT TO TAKE MY KEY AND STICK IT IN THE IGNITION!" You don't have to narrate the whole driving test, Mr Kelly.

"YOLNT" said the cat as his blood pooled around him. "...yolnt."

@othersome Don't fuck with Trump. His name is British for fart.

#c4news Dear Emma Harrison, sticking a camera up Kylie's dress is bullying. Scrutinising companies that receive public money is journalism.

I worked out the ratio of men to women on British comedy panel shows. Take a look: http://t.co/e9j5oYBx

@helenzaltzman @loonabimberton @nadiakamil I worked out the ratio of men to women on panel shows. Take a look: http://t.co/e9j5oYBx

@michael_raphone @sad_tire @mattytalks @m4rsz @pimpmacdaddyboy @sassyqueso @mrphetz @othersome @sistersome @bruisey http://t.co/FPpDMwij

@charmandork @johnjfrusciante @important_celeb @boring_as_heck @inspectahdreck @timescanner @joshgondelman http://t.co/FPpDMwij

it's the remix to ignition / and the matrix is glitchin' / the sequels were shit / but the first one was bitchin'

There's no I in denial.

#bbcqt #bbctw Media blackout on @tom_watson's question at #PMQs then?

#MyLastWordsBeforeIDie buzz... your girlfriend... woof

"It's like murder she wrote once I get you out them clothes" is the nicest way of telling someone they look like Angela Lansbury naked.